There Is So Much Family Pressure On Me To Marry My Baby Mama

True Live Story: There Is So Much Family Pressure On Me To Marry My Baby Mama

Hi Lively Stones,

Life is very hard for me, I am under a lot of pressure and I need your advice. My name is James (not real name). I trained in the UK as a Chef. Eventually, I returned to Naija after my study in the UK. To find a job in Naija was hard. I started doing stuff on social media and getting small gigs. A  few months later, I got my first job in a 4-star hotel. I was doing well and saving gradually. I got involved with one of the waitresses…I thought we were just hanging out but this girl went about telling everyone we were dating. I knew she liked me cos that is how girls are, once they see a guy that has been abroad and speaks with an accent.

Anyway, I was not feeling her but she came and told me she was pregnant. I was flabbergasted. I was like, ok…what should we do…she said she is a princess from a royal family, that I must marry her. I told her I was not yet ready for marriage cos am still starting life. Her dad, who was a royal chief from their village called me to come and do a marriage introduction and we could do the marriage whenever I was ready.

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I didn’t know much about this girl and her family but they put so much pressure on me, I was even afraid that they would make me get sacked from work, so I agreed. I did not even go for the introduction with my people. After the introduction, this girl moved in with me. Like, I thought we were just cohabiting but she assumed we were married, always reminding me that I must work hard to come and do the proper marriage rites.

Our relationship became toxic. This babe was expecting a loving romantic relationship with me but truly in my mind, she is just a baby mama….she does not fit into what I would have loved for a wife or life partner. She is not even a university graduate. I don’t intend to marry a liability. When she had her baby, her mother came to live with us in my one-room self-contained. It was hectic and chaotic. The family kept pressuring me about marriage and I was forced to tell them that I was not going to marry their daughter.

These people started frustrating me, cursing me, threatening me…I stopped going home to avoid confrontation with this lady and her family. Eventually, they got to me by speaking to my elder sister. My elder sister told me to relax and see if I could see a possible future with my baby mama since a child was already involved. My baby mama started acting right.., she started being respectful and loving. Her family too started showing support. Before I knew it, she came and said she was pregnant again.

Our one bedroom was too small. The father sent us N2M to get a befitting apartment. But he said after the rent expires, I will pay the rent going forward, No one asked me if I can afford the rent of N2M. Anyway, life went on. I had an issue with the place I was working, so I decided to start my outfit. I got a loan of N3M from microfinance and built my small eatery. I invested everything into the business. But as I invested, returns were not even enough to meet my loan repayment. It was like I was working to pay salaries and loans.

I became frustrated. With the state of the Nigerian economy, I am unable to provide for my family. Our rent is due and I have been running from pillar to post. Everyone is suggesting we find a cheaper apartment but my wife and her family refused. So, after one year of not being able to pay the rent, my wife moved in with my elder sister while I have been squatting with friends. My eatery eventually shut down. I am still paying the loan back. A few months ago, I got a call from my former colleague, that a family was looking for a private chef.

The family lives in Ikoyi. A very high-level businesswoman, a single mother was the employer. As soon as we met, she liked me and told me that I would have to be a live-in chef from Monday to Sunday. I only get one day off. Well, I did not mind cos….I did not even have a home at the moment.

That is how I started work here. My salary is N500k every month, not bad. But the thing is…my boss wants me to f*ck her. She did not even mince words. She said it is the reason she wants to live in Chef. She is very busy and has no time to date anyone, she just wants someone like friends with benefits. I wanted to run away but she promised to pay me N1M if I agreed.

I looked at what I could do for N1M. I would be able to find accommodation for my family, so I agreed. The effect of this is that the more I am sleeping with my boss, the more I am falling for her and I can’t seem to have an erection when I meet my baby mama who is still calling herself my wife. She is accusing me of cheating cos I won’t sleep with her again…she has tried to come to my workplace to make trouble but security won’t let her in.

My baby mama got my elder sister and other family members involved and they are saying saying I should be a man and marry this girl cos she has two children for me. My sister says it’s not good to raise children outside a matrimonial home, that it can bring bad luck. I know they have convinced my sister to force me into marrying her. I love my children but do I love their mom that much? Why should I leave a woman like my boss that I know can change my fortune if I give her what she wants?

My boss knows am not married legally. She is doing everything to make me comfortable if I remain her lover. She has ordered a BMW car for me, it’s been shipped from the US as we speak.  My baby mama and her family have started again, giving me an ultimatum to come and do a wedding or they will take away my kids and they will deal with me. My baby mama and family have ganged up against me. I am now dodging their calls cos they always give me hassles. Am I wrong for doing that? I did not promise her marriage after all….

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My family eventually got my Uncle who is like the eldest in the family to talk to me. And the man invited me to his place. I was able to open up to him alone. And he advised me to leave my boss and focus on my family because of the children. He is an old man and I know he wants what is best for my children but what about me? Why should I marry a woman who is going to be a liability to me while I have a woman who needs nothing from me but just to make sure she is satisfied sexually?

Why all this pressure on me…I need a job….if I leave my lover….I will lose my job. When the chips are down, these family members will not be there to bail one out. Without this job, how do I cope with the demands from my baby mama and her family who want the good things of life but won’t lift a finger to help? How else do I explain things? I want to even Japa one day all things being equal…why am I being treated as the family black sheep just because I want the better things in life…

I am in love with my boss cos she is smart and successful….she is the kind of woman that any man will need for a life partner….my baby mama is a liability….why must I marry her just because she has kids for me? I am seeking advice. Am I being selfish or is my family and baby mama the selfish ones? What do you think?


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