My Boyfriend Has Poverty Mentality, Is This A Red Flag?

True Life Story: My Boyfriend Has Poverty Mentality, Is This A Red Flag?

Hi Lively Stones,

I need your advice on this matter. I have been dating this guy for like seven, almost eight months. Now, this guy is cool, but we have a different philosophy about a few things and that has really affected the relationship. To the extent, I have thought about quitting the relationship for a while now. But every time, he pleads with me, to give him time to change.

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One of the difference between us is money: for me, I grew up comfortable and I like the fine things of life. I can be extravagant sometimes because I believe life is to be enjoyed. My guy on the other hand is more prudent with money. He tends to spend less on things and even on me. At first, I liked the balance because I felt he would keep me grounded but I think its a poor mindset that he has and I cannot deal with it anymore.

To me, its a bit selfish actually. I spend money on him and he hardly spends on me. He says he is planning for our future. He has not even proposed o. We are just girlfriend and boyfriend. On his birthday, I went all out for him. He appreciated it and even told his friends and family about it. I am big on celebrating birthdays….all my friends and family know me like that.

ALSO READ:Is My Cheating Ex Better Than My Stingy Boyfriend? Pls Advise

So, for my birthday, which was last month, I started throwing him hints here and there but he kept telling me that birthdays are just for one day, no need to go crazy. I understand may be he does not earn as me but its not the amount someone spends but the effort he puts into it. A day before my birthday, I was already getting gifts and well wishes. On the morning of my birthday, my boyfriend sends me a message that he will see me over the weekend because he is busy at work that day.

I swear, I was downcast. My best friend came and was asking me what my boyfriend planned for me on my birthday, I told her I don’t know but it will be at the weekend. So, my friend took my out and some other friends joined us later. Later, my ex sent me one thousand dollars for my birthday. In fact, that made me feel bad that we broke up cos he still remembers my special day. That is how the people around me are, they are not stingy with money, we care about each other….but this my ex has moved on sef.

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Then came the Saturday …the weekend that my boyfriend promised me. He came around 3pm…and he brought me a birthday card only. He was like, love is not in material things but what the small  thing means. I was shook and told him to keep his card. I got upset, we argued and I asked him to leave my house. He called me a materialistic b*tch. I cried. My friends got upset that and they decided to throw me a surprise party which I went for that night.

At the party, It was a lit party, my food friends all came…we danced and really had a great time. There was a great looking guy there, my friends were busy trying to match make us so I can forget about my tight fisted boyfriend. We ended up making out in his car that night. The next day, my boyfriend came to beg and ask me to be patient to with him.I told him to give me some space, I needed to think.

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Now, I am at a place where I need to make a decision: the guy I met at my birthday has been showering me with gifts, flowers everyday…begging me to date him. And my bobo is begging me for a second chance? For me, my boyfriend already has a mindset…that may not be changed…I mean, he knows why I am upset with him…yet …no effort to even buy me a gift or suggest a romantic date to make up….he is busy sending love messages.

I know money is not everything. I am not a materialistic girl but I like to feel appreciated and treated like someone’s queen. My boyfriend is smart and friendly but has poverty mentality. Always criticizing how I spend even my own money. I feel that is a red flag. Now, that I have a guy making me feel like I want, maybe its time to finally break up with my boyfriend?

In the near future, I want to find someone to settle down in marriage. I do not want to waste my time with anyone that is not of the same mindset as me. As for my boyfriend, for someone who is begging that he will change….still has not caught the hint to even make up by spending even ordinary 5k on me? Mind you, he earns like 420k in a month, so its not like he is broke. I just realized he is trying to get me into a lifestyle that I is backward.

I have my own money as I said…I don’t need his money…but how will I be dating or even marry someone who cannot spend a valuable naira on me if he loves me? What is love without giving? My biological clock is ticking…I just celebrated 28 years…should I move on or give this boyfriend of mine another chance?

Anonymous

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