Will Our Marriage Be A Happy One?

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My Fiancé & I Argue A Lot: Will Our Marriage Be A Happy One?

Dear ma,

My name is Judith (not real name). I am 29 years old. I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for 2 years plus. He is the only son of his mother who is widowed. He has two sisters, both are married.

Since we been dating, we been planning our wedding cos he told me that he wants to get married quickly to bear children and keep the father’s name alive. The only reason we did not get married sooner is because we sometimes have disagreements that make me fear that our marriage may not work out.

Like I said, been an only child, the pressure is a bit much. I feel I will be put under the same pressure once we get married. He may want a male child very strongly. Even though he says he does not mind the gender of our children but his mother sometimes asks me when are we getting married, when are you giving me a grand son?

Most importantly, we argue a lot and I feel he is childish or spoilt as an only son. He once said his mother will come live with us since he is the only son. I told him the mother can come visit but not live with us permanently …that caused augment and we did not speak for days until he apologized and we moved on.

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But sometimes in my heart, I still fear that might be an issue. He says if I don’t trust him, then we should break up and I tried to break up with him but we love each other so much ,that we cannot bear to stay apart.

The latest argument I had with him was a big one and we actually broke up for one whole month. I had spent the entire weekend in his place cos our wedding is close. We are planning and putting finishing touches to the preparations. I decided to leave his place around 8pm that Sunday  cos of work the next day.

Getting to work from his place is so far, so I asked him to drop me off at my place. He was like, he is tired and that I should take Uber.  I was like Uber? Why cant he drop me? Well, seeing I was not happy…he grudgingly got up and decided to drop me off.

Since he was already grumpy, he was just complaining throughout the ride. That his fuel is not much…and we got stuck in traffic. I kept my cool. But I was getting upset inside me. At some point in the traffic, he said I should take a yellow Taxi to continue the rest of my journey.

I was furious cos it was already getting so late. So, I asked him, is this how you show your love for me? You will leave me half way because of traffic? I honestly felt he was not been considerate and I got so angry, I got down from the car and started walking.

I honestly thought he would even call me back and beg me or at least pacify me but he ignored me. I suffered in trekking until I found a bus that would drop me two bus tops to my place. I took another bus and got home around 11.45pm.

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Do you know this guy did not call me until the next day?I felt so pained and I broke up with him. He tried to give a lousy apology saying that since our wedding is so close, that I have been very unreasonable.  I told him if I was being unreasonable, then lets call it quits.

He did not talk t me…neither did I talk to him for a month. His mother and sister and my family got involved and tried to settle us but I was done with his childishness. It was until he told my pastor and my pastor called me and counselled me to forgive and forget that we made up.

Since then, I just feel somehow. Like is this the kind of life I really want to get into? Is my marriage going to be about childish arguments? And he does not apologize properly…accusing me of always wanting him to apologize first but he is mostly the one at fault most times.

I know he loves me but he is very annoying sometimes…will love be enough to overcome his behavior? Or am I asking for too much? He says he will get better…that I should have faith in him…but that me too that I take things too far….is that so? do you think so?Please advise me…I do not want to be unhappy in marriage.

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