Will He Ever Do It Again?

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My Boyfriend Abused Me Before: Will He Ever Do It Again?

Hello ma,

I need your advice. So, I was dating Mike (not real name) in 2014. He was a cool boyfriend and everything was fine. Until one day that we got into an argument and he became really angry …the way I have never seen him before.

That really shook me. I decided to give him space the first time it occurred. I was truly shaken. After series of apologies, I forgave him. Not up to a month after, we had an argument about me not picking his calls during work hours and before I knew it, he said I was cheating on him and he slapped me.

Of course, that made me break up with him for good this time. I left him and was single for a year. I met someone else and I thought it was going to work but it didn’t (that one is story for another day) We broke up eight months later and since then I been single.

This year, I received a friend invite from Mike. I accepted him cos I mean…its been almost 4 year or more since we broke up. I didn’t think much of it. Nothing bad with being Facebook friends with your ex na?

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I noticed that he was posting several pictures of video of him doing NGO work, especially during covid time and also church programs. He had become something of like a motivational speaker and relationship counsellor. I was wondering if he had changed his personality cos he did really look like a decent man.

On my birthday, In June, he sent me a cake and surprise gifts. I called him to thank him. That was when he told me how he rededicated his life to God. That he realized he has anger management issues from childhood and he went through counseling and he is doing alot better. I congratulated him.

Next day,he sent me a really long letter and basically asking me to give him another chance. We met up later and I think the way he spoke made me realize that he may have truly changed or at least he is trying to.

Since June,we have been dating and its been nothing short of amazing. Mike is the most gentle and loving boyfriend. He even said no s*x until marriage yet he treats me like a queen. He even invited me to go with him to an exotic resort, where we stayed for the weekend…he only kissed me…he never touched me even though I wanted him to do more… I may be heavily in love this time. People even credit me for brining out the best in Mike.

The only problem now is that my friend and sisters are not happy I went back to Mike. They were there when Mike slapped me in our first relationship and they still see him as an abusive man. They believe he can never change and that he will go back to his old self once he gets what he wants.

Last weekend was magical as Mike hosted my family and friends and proposed to me: promising to love and protect my all the days of his life. My sisters are still a bit skeptical but my friend, especially Onyindamola (not real name) is saying I am making the biggest mistake of my life. She wants me to return the ring to Mike and never agree to be his wife.

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I get it. Oyindamola’s elder sister was in an abusive relationship and almost lost her life. She lost her sanity for sure. But does that mean that will happen to everyone in love with someone who was once abusive? Is there no redemption for such people? Do you think I am making a mistake or do you think Oyindamola is just scared or maybe even jealous that me and Mike are looking so happy together….

Please advise me ma…

Anonymous

Photo Credit:Pinterest

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