Why I Am Living In Fear In My Own Marriage

True Life Story: Why I Am Living In Fear In My Own Marriage

Dear Lively Stones,

I probably deserve what I am getting but I am living in fear right in my home and I need some advice before things get out of hand. To be honest, I am the cause of my undoing. I came from very poor background. A very big family where no one cared if you lived or died. My mother had 9 children for my dad; my dad had 26 other children from other women.

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It was a survival of the fittest situation. I was abused several times. I did several odd and dangerous jobs to survive. I had to get out of the slum. I came to Lagos and met some bad people but I made up my mind to make it. I managed to finish my OND and had my salon where I do makeup and gele. That is how I met my husband.

Even though, I had a boyfriend but he was not as rich so I knew I was not going to marry him. My husband is a retired military man. We met through his sister during her wedding where I made her make up and gele. He liked my handwork and said he would help me. Of course, no Lagos man helps a lady without asking for something in return.

His wife and him had divorced due to infidelity’s he said. That despite all he gave her, she cheated on him with his friends. He said he will never tolerate infidelity. His children were all grown up. When he asked me to marry him, I was skeptical cos I was not sure because s3x with him was a torture. He could not last barely 2 minutes. But he provided the much needed financial security that I needed to end poverty in my lineage.

So, I married him and gave him alot of herbs to boost his libido but they didn’t work. We then went to have twins through IVF. I focus on my children. I have money and cars and I can take care of my family. Its been 4 years since we married. Now, there is no s3x anymore between me and my husband. I think he is exhausted or embarrassed that he can only last 2 minutes. I do not bother him cos I have twins but my s3xual needs are seriously troubling me.

Porn and masturbation has become my best friend. Last year, my husband’s second son that is 24 years old came to live with us in the house. He finished his masters abroad and was back to get a job in naija. We never got along. He never liked me but I did everything to make him feel comfortable.

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One thing he used to do was bring girls to the house once his dad was out. And then his father travelled for 4 days, it was like non stop bringing different women to pass the night. The domestic staff were getting irritated that they are tired of cleaning his bedsheet full of sperm everyday. I pitied them but I envied the young ladies who are a few years younger than me but are getting good D every time whereas, I am drying up here.

One night, I heard him and one of the girls fighting in his room. Later,  the girl came to me to beg me for sanitary pad. She started her period and she didn’t have a pad. I gave her a pad. She was crying saying that Jay (my husband’s son) wants her to leave that night cos she started her period. He thought she was using that  as an excuse not to have s3x with him.

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I should have minded my business but I told her not to bother about him. That she can stay in the guest bedroom and leave in the morning. The girl thanked me and spent the rest of the night in the guest bedroom. Around 6.30am, the girl left and next thing, Jay bashed into my room to insult me for talking to his girl and allowing her sleep in the guest bedroom.

What Jay didn’t expect to see me doing when he came inside my room, was me using my vibrator to pleasure myself. I was also using adult video on my phone. I was lost on my pleasure that I didnt hide it well but  I quickly tried to hide it but he already saw it. He apologized for a minute before he burst out laughing. He was like, he didn’t know his father’s wife was into kinky things like vibrator. I begged him not to tell his father and was like no, he also likes toys.

Waiting for Jay to leave, this boy said he could teach me a few tricks or two. I told him no, its inappropriate. Jay said, relax…its just s3x…nothing to be ashamed of. He came around, took my vibrator and began to use it on me. I never expected anyone to use a toy on me in my life…Jay did wonders with the thing…I was shaking with all kinds of orgasm…it was like we were acting porn movie.

Next thing, he slid himself into me. There was no way I could say no…I was beyond my senses…That boy did me Shege. I made love twice with my husband’s second son and it was a mess cos we both enjoyed it thoroughly, we were both exhausted. The boy is untrained. I started to tell him that we must never do this again because his father will kill both of us.

Jay laughed and said he is not scared of his father. Throughout the day, this guy kept trying harrassing me. Telling me we have to do it again cos he cannot get me out of his system. That I a bitch…It was exciting but very dangerous. I told him never in his life…he cannot come and spoil my reggae with his blues.

That night, I slept with the doors locked. At night, he came and tried several times but my door was locked. He kept trying most times during the day but I avoided him or locked myself up in the room all day. My husband returned the next day and I was happy thinking the boy will finally respect himself.

My husband and I went to bed and two hours later, Jay was in my room. I thought this boy must have a death wish. He began to struggle with me. He said if I shout, we are both dead cos his father will use his gun on both of us…so I couldn’t shout but I continued to struggle…I tried but he overpowered me and raped me. I was completely overpowered. Jay is an athletics build guy… with strong chiseled muscles. I could not have done anything much to stop him.

Right under my husband’s nose, his son raped me. I became afraid cos I realized this guy was going to do anything to continue to f*ck me and he knows I cannot tell his father. I did not marry his father for anything else but for security. If I try to do anything to let his father know, that security is gone. My future is gone. I am so scared but I cannot speak.

I washed myself up and started locking my door at night. Now, my husband is angry that why am I locking my doors. I told him I am having nightmares and I just want to feel safe by locking the door. This man just laughed and said I was being dramatic, he then warned me not to lock my door again cos he may want to come to me at night for his usual 2 minutes.

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I am so afraid that I have been thinking of what to do…I thought of setting up a camera in my room but there is no way I can do that without my husband knowing. And he will not agree. And even if I show him a camera, my husband will not choose me over his son. That I know. The boy already has his inheritance, his mother too has alot of money, so he wont loose anything but for me, he will still throw me out and I loose everything.

Everyday, I am begging Jay to leave me alone for the sake of my children. Jay is being so arrogant, saying I should stop being a baby, that he knows I want him as much as he wants me too. The boy is delusional. I made a mistake the first time but surely he must know we cannot continue of we both do not want to loose our lives.

I need help…I need advice…what do I do? I am living in fear…I can no longer lock my door…if Jay comes in…I cannot even shout because he us bigger and stronger than me…its beginning to look like I have to cooperate with him because I cannot tell his father …that will be the end for me…I called that girl that came over and begged her to help me keep Jay busy. The girl comes to ease the tension but Jay has still not stopped coming for me.

The only thing I have tried to do now is sleep near the door…so once I hear footsteps close to my door, I lock it fast…but sometimes Jay just catches me unawares. This boy is a s3x addict. He also is taking advantage of me because he knows I am also a s3x addict. But even if I want to do this, not with my husband’s own flesh and blood…I need help because I feel I am like a dead person walking. I fear, I will soon be exposed and thrown out.

I am so afraid…

Anonymous

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