Rushed Into Marriage But I Cannot Continue Anymore-Pls Advise
True Life Story: Rushed Into Marriage But I Cannot Continue Anymore-Pls Advise
Good evening Lively Stones,
I need your help. I know that what I am about to say will raise insults from the readers; I think I am at a point where I will take whatever insults I get. I did not know any better. I made a mistake. That mistake will cost me my marriage but I feel its better to come clean and be honest, maybe I will be happier. I also am tired of living a lie.
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My issue is that, seven years ago, I broke up with my ex due to pressures from my family, most especially my elder sister. I was in a normal relationship, we loved each other but my ex who is a lawyer and 2 years older than my sister always had some small issues. My elder sister felt my ex was not respectful because he seemed to match her anytime they have an argument.
My ex is very intelligent and very assertive. He is also very comfortable financially. Some people see him as proud or arrogant but he is just a very outspoken person, coupled with the fact that he is a lawyer turned business man, he never really saw eye to eye with my sister. But the strange thing was, me and him got along very well. But my sister felt he was suppressing me and that if I marry him, he will make me feel inferior and suppress my opinions.
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My sister convinced my parents that my ex was not good for me, that he will lord it over me in marriage. My sister was married and in her marriage, her husband is the quiet type. So, my sister is used to being controlling her husband and she expected the same for me. To the extent that when I had a misunderstanding with my ex, I listened to my sister and I broke up with him.
Immediately we broke up, my sister was very happy…she introduced me to a friend of hers who was abroad and wanted to marry someone in Nigeria before he travels. My parents too forced my hand when they heard the man was abroad. He had blinded their eyes with dollars. That is how I got married to this friend of hers under two months of meeting him. I too wanted to forget about my ex and focus on this new guy.
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On the eve of my marriage to this man who is now my husband, I discovered I was pregnant. Clearly, it was for my ex. But I told no one. I married and pinned the pregnancy on my new husband. He was overjoyed. We have a son together. That has been my secret in the last seven years. I have 2 other children from my husband. But I am not happy in this marriage.
In this marriage, my husband travels alot even though he provides for me and the children but the marriage being an arranged marriage has no love. We do not say I love you because I know its not true. Its just a marriage. I also know that my husband is not faithful to me cos as he travels, he meets different women. He likes to enjoy his life. I do not hate him for that but it made me miss my ex whom I had a loving relationship with.
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I chatted up my ex last year and we started chatting frequently. He now has a baby mama but he says he has not found anyone that is like me for him to settle down for marriage. We grew fonder as we chatted….now, I am his side chick. His babymama lives with him but they are not married but we meet secretly from time to time. What I enjoy meeting with my ex is not really s3x but the friendship and conversations we both share.
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Both of us can be in bed for hours, just gisting and playing. I clear that the live between us is still very much alive. I can no longer live with the fact that I hid the knowledge of his first child from him. I want to confess to him. He has asked me to move back to him. I told him I do not want to disappoint my family and he asked me why do I keep bothering myself what other people say.
That for the first time made me realize that it was what my family said that made me choose wrongly. I want to go back to my ex cos there is where I am truly happy. He deserves to know he has a son with me. I deserve to be with the man I truly love…The only issue is, my husband will feel betrayed but the more I keep the secret…I am also thinking of my two other children…will my husband let me keep them or will he take them away from me?
The longer this continues, the more I feel terrible for going into this marriage based on lie, stuck in a marriage of no love and cheating. I feel I should be honest about everything and how I truly feel…is it not better to come clean rather than postpone the evil day? I am very sorry for deceiving my husband…my sister caused everything…Please guide me, how do I go about it?
Anonymous
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