I Have Asked For Forgiveness From God For A Crime In My Past Yet My Life Is Useless-Pls Advise
My name is Akan (not real name). My life is completely useless and I have a confession to make. I pray God forgives me completely, I have asked him several times but I feel like if I confess to the world, I may be free from guilt and delivered from this problem.
It all started when I was 12 years old, I went to live with my Uncle cos things were hard for my parents. My Uncle is a rich man and has 6 children but one of the children is not ok mentally: I think she had down syndrome. Being in that home, most times the daughter that had down syndrome is often ignored.
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Meanwhile, I was not the only relative in the house, there were some cousins and distant relatives too. But as I grew older, I got involved in some bad company of friends who introduced me to porn. It started like it was an in-thing for young men to watch porn and show off that they had slept with girls at the time.
By the time I was 15, I used to boast of girls that I have been with, some even older than me. One day, I was watching porn and this my Uncle’s daughter saw me, she was curious and because I knew she would not be able to talk, I let her watch it. She was 14 years old but she had very mature features cos of her condition.
Thereafter, I used to show her porn and one day, I had s*x with her. She seemed to like it cos she would be smiling anytime she saw me. I know I did something wrong cos she is my cousin and she was not ok…but I was becoming addicted to s*x. Even to the point of masturbating at any slight opportunity.
Unfortunately, this cousin of mine got pregnant and it was such a strange thing cos she could not tell anyone who got her pregnant. All the boys living in the compound were called and everyone denied …it was later said that my uncle and his wife went to prayer house and they were told that someone close to them was responsible but they could not pin point who exactly.
When they asked me, I denied and said I suspected the gate man cos I used to see him bring in small girls to his room and sleep with them. That made them investigate the gateman and found out truly he was bringing small girls and sleeping with them. My Uncle and his wife concluded the gateman may be the one, they had to hand him over to police and he was tortured before they finally let him go.
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Because my cousin could not talk, the pregnancy was already at advanced stage so they could not terminate it. My cousin gave birth to the baby: my baby. I was so afraid that I went to boarding school after that year. I used to see the baby,very beautiful boy but he looked so much like my cousin.
Years later, I moved out of the house but since that time, I have been having issues. I became a gambler. And a s*x addict. I used to sleep with girls and dump them. I used to masturbate so bad I would hurt my penis from bruising it from rubbing it. My life was just empty.
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I met some people, they preached to me to get born again and I became serious with God but I still battled with gambling and masturbation. When I got married, my wife was not aware of my situation…I hid my habits from her. S*x with my wife never satisfies me: I cheat on her with several women and she got tired and separated from me because we were even looking for the fruit of the womb for five years,no issue.
All I did was gamble, s*x and masturbation. I spent on my salary on gambling. I went into a relationship with another woman and we have been together now for three years: no issue and I still cheat and gamble…my woman caught me masturbating…and told me to go to deliverance. I refused.
My woman started to go for deliverance for me and that is where they told her that she has to bring me for deliverance because there is something someone placed on me and that I will never have a child and will never be rich cos of that thing that was placed on me. To God who made me: the only thing I can think of…is what happened with my cousin years ago.
Since that time, I have visited my Uncle twice and begged that his daughter to forgive me (when I got born again, I asked God to forgive me and I travelled to ask her to forgive me too but I did not confess to her parents). The boy she gave birth to is now 12 years old. Thank God the boy does not have a striking resemblance to me.
Now, with this prophesy, I feel like even though I have asked God and my cousin to forgive me, why is my life still a mess? Will I never be free from gambling, s*x addiction and masturbation. Or is it the gateman that placed the curse? But I have no way of contacting him anymore cos he has since relocated to where I have no idea. I ask for prayers and forgiveness through this platform, in case anyone knows that gateman or if he can read this post…so that he can please forgive me… so the curse placed on me can be lifted.
I know maybe I should confess to my Uncle but the main person I wronged is his daughter and I have asked her forgiveness…I do not see a need to involve my Uncle because they would never forgive me: not after all they did for me….they raised me as their son…that would even kill my mother…that is why I can only ask my cousin and God (the two most important people I wronged) for forgiveness and prayers for my soul. I wish there is something else I can do: please advise me if you feel there is another way else.
Thank you for listening and I await your advice. I am sorry once again…I just need forgiveness and my life back again, to be free from gambling cos I will never be rich from this, from masturbation and s*x addiction so I can live a happy married life. Please advise me.
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