I Am Depressed Because I Am Constantly Betrayed By Love
True Life Story: I Am Depressed Because I Am Constantly Betrayed By Love
Good afternoon Lively Stones,
I am sharing my story because I am very depressed and I am very tired of my life right now. I made a mistake in marriage because I was hurt by my ex. I dated my ex for 4 whole years, he is the love of my life, I never loved anyone the way I loved him. He did not have anything, I supported him financially and did everything cos I was in love. I never knew anything was wrong cos suddenly, he stopped picking my calls and eventually told me that he is sorry but he is in love with someone else and that they are getting married.
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Like who does this to a woman they dated for 4 years? I eventually found out that the woman he was dating was richer than me, the woman used money to entice him. I swallowed shame, I begged my ex not to leave me, I begged the woman to leave him for me, that I have suffered for him…I stalked them for six months…begging and crying….I almost committed suicide…my family became concerned. I mourned this relationship for one year. Crying and mourning the loss of my ex.
After like another one year, I met another guy. He seemed to care alot for me I told him all that happened with my ex and he was like all about my healing. We never had s3x for seven months of dating. I thought I was making progress but the first time we made love, I got pregnant. I was confused. It made sense to get married cos I am not a small girl, at 31 years old, abortion seemed like a bad idea. My guy was happy and we rushed marriage preparations.
It was during the marriage preparations I started seeing some red flags. We quarreled alot but I attributed it to the pressure of the wedding planning and pregnancy hormones. I started suspecting he was cheating but I was too scared of being abandoned again. I saw his chats and he became doggy in so many ways. I was so relieved the wedding successfully held cos I was already having high BP. I was so scared that if he left me, I would not make it.
I wish I never married…I swear….I would have been better being a single mother. My pregnancy was very tumultuous. I even began to despise my unborn baby, I blamed the pregnancy for trapping me into the marriage. My husband is a serial cheater. Worse than my ex. We did not have s3x throughout my pregnancy. He gave excuse that he does not enjoy s3x cos my belly was too big. So, he was f$cking everything outside. After the baby was born, he never changed. When we had s3x, there was no love or passion. I was filled with h@te for him so I will just lie down there for him to just release in me and go.
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His side chicks even became bolder, they call him while hes even in bed with me. I started crying again every day…I was having mental breakdown every day. One day, I was at my worst, I typed a very long message to my ex, cursing him and blaming him for my predicament. I cursed him so much that soon as he received my messages, he called me. I was shocked to see his call….when I picked…I was also shocked at what he said. He started apologizing. He admitted he hurt me and said he was ready to make any amends.
It was like music to my soul…make amends…how? He said he cannot divorce his wife but he still loves me and wants to see me. I swear, this guy must have a spiritual hold on me. We started seeing each other and the s3x was magical. Yes, I started cheating on my husband too. But I never felt it was wrong cos my husband cheated first and me and my ex were very much in love…its beyond our control. But we were happy to find each other back.
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This affair continued until I got pregnant for my ex. I was excited cos I thought he would want our love to be sealed by a baby but when I told him, he asked me to get rid of it even though his wife is yet to conceive for him. He said he cant leave his wife cos she set up his business and he will forever stay with her, whether he has a child or not with her …I felt betrayed again because he would not want to have a baby for me. I was ready to leave my husband and be my ex side chick for life if that it was it takes. But he warned me never to keep the baby or he would make sure I regret it. Yes, he threatened me. I was hurt before, now I became traumatized. I could not believe how this man that was professing love to me was also hating me.
When I told my mother what happened, my mother told me to forget about my ex and focus on my marriage. That I should pin the pregnancy on my husband. I was totally against that but my mom said men are always like that, that I should not feel sorry for my husband…that how am I sure my husband does not have other children outside with the way hes cheating. I was shocked at that possibility. So, I started investigating my husband. I hacked his phone and finally found out that he has two children outside our marriage. My mother was right.
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This time,I am so tired from being betrayed by men, I want to leave my husband and be a single mother but my family is against it…my mother says if I leave, she will disown me. That I want to shame her, that men are rejecting me. That a wife should not leave her marriage cos the man is cheating, that as far as the man is not abusing me, I should stay and remain the woman of the house. Lively Stones, is this right? Should I remain in a marriage that I am not in love with the man and I am pregnant with another man’s child?
Does the fact that my husband has children outside make it right to pin another man’s child on him? Should I abort this child and focus on my marriage? I am depressed….I keep hearing voices in my head that no man will ever want me or love me…maybe I should just stay stuck in this marriage…I don’t know what to do. Please help me.
Anonymous
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