How I Feel About My Mentor & Husband’s Relationship-Pt 2
True Life Story: How I Feel About My Mentor & Husband’s Relationship-Pt 2
…CONTINUATION
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PART 2
After I looked at the Facebook message the ex wife sent me for a whole day, I could not hold myself anymore, I woke up my husband aT night and told him, honey we need to talk. My husband knew it was serious if I had to wake him up at night and say we need to talk. Then I showed him the message from his ex wife. At first, he acted like he did not understand what the text was all about but I was dead serious with the look I was giving him.
My husband then said: honey but you know that anything that comes from my ex wife is nothing but lies and trouble. He went on to explain that the ex wife is bitter and wants to cause problems between me and my husband. We talked into the night sha. My husband swore that he never had an affair with Eliza. The next morning, my husband called his ex wife….on speaker and warned her to stop spreading lies about him and trying to destroy his home.
That call he made to his ex made me believe my husband was innocent. Although, the ex wife was saying he should come and swear that he did not have an affair with Eliza and he told her to go to hell. I chose to believe my husband and ignore this bitter ex wife. I blocked her on Facebook. During the day, I was at my shop when one of my sales girl told me someone was looking for me, I went to meet the person who turned out to be the ex wife.
Immediately, I wanted to walk her out but she knelt down and pleaded with me to listen to her. She swore on her children’s life that all she wants is to tell me the truth cos she knows what her ex husband is doing to me is manipulating me. I told her to get up and leave my shop, that whatever issues she has with her ex has nothing to do with me, that my husband has never cheated on me….even if he cheated before we met, he has never given me reason to suspect he is cheating now.
This woman got up and said fine….I wish you all the best. I swear, that day, I was so restless thinking about this woman’s visit. Why did she kneel down and even swear on her children’s life? So, I called my friend and told her what was happening. My friend Oge advised me to listen to the ex wife and then we will decide what to do. So, I unblocked the ex wife and sent her a message to meet me at a restaurant the next day.
The next day, me and my friend Oge went to the restaurant. This woman came and she began to tell her story. How she found out her husband was sleeping with Eliza under the guise of we are family friends. And when she threatened to expose Oge, her husband started beating her and she became violent cos she wanted to fight for her marriage but she did not realize that Eliza and her husband are deep. Cos the more she tried to fight the husband, the husband made it look like she was the one trying to control him and the marriage.
The ex wife admitted she was wrong to fight the husband but she said she was filled with so much rage and jealousy that she lost control. She said her husband made her look like a crazy person and many took his side cos she was always destroying things in the house when she continued to witness the cheating. The next thing, the ex wife told me she cloned my husband’s phone at the time, so she showed me texts messages she had with her husband showing his conversations with Eliza.
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That was when my eyes opened. Its either this woman is telling the truth or the app she used to cook up these evidence is good. She also played voice notes for me to hear. That was all I needed to hear. Then Oge my friend asked this woman, why are you telling my friend all this….am sure its not because you like her that much. Then the ex wife said, she is telling me because she feels I am a good person to convince her husband to send money for the childrens’ upkeep because after the divorce, the ex husband started punishing her by not providing for the children.
The ex wife told me that she also found out that Eliza was my mentor and she almost vomited knowing that such a person can claim to be my mentor while stabbing me on the back. That day, I wanted to die….After the ex wife left…Oge my friend asked me what do I want to do….sincerely speaking….I did not know what to do. I love my husband so much. I never suspected anything and I wanted to believe that even though he had an affair with Eliza, he may have stopped cos I cannot imagine him sleeping with Eliza….this same Eliza that is married to a handsome rich guy with two teenage boys children.
Then my friend Oge advised me not to leave my husband over what the ex wife told me but that she will advise me and my husband to cut off all communications with Eliza and go to counselling to try to save our marriage. That seemed like a good idea…so I took it and went to my husband….showed him all the messages and voice notes, his ex wife showed me. He was shocked and began to rage at me for still believing his ex. He got so angry that he said he would have slapped me if not that I am pregnant.
It was now me that was begging him to clam down….that I don’t want any trouble….that I dont care what happened in the past, that I just want us to move forward, so he must cut all communications with Eliza and that we must go for marriage counselling. My husband screamed at me and told me to go to hell for believing his ex wife over him. He said if not for Eliza, will he even look at someone like me for marriage? That I am below his class and he only married me cos Eliza advised him to, that I will be a good wife that will not cause trouble for him. Instead, I have teamed up with his ex and causing trouble.
My husband accused me of continuing from where his ex stopped. I could not believe the display my husband was putting up. I had never seen him so upset. I became scared. And the fact that he said I was below his class, making it sound like he did me a favour to marry me cos he married me for Eliza’s sake….I was hurt. Pained. I said to myself….is this not the same behavior his ex wife is accusing him of? Manipulation? He is now blaming me for his indiscretion instead of focusing on the fact that he is the one having an affair with a married woman?
My husband neither denied or confirmed the affair with Eliza…he only accused me of teaming with his ex wife to cause trouble. To me, that is not satisfactory, in fact, its confirming that he is still seeing Eliza….yet he is making me wonder if truly I am being naïve to trust his ex wife. My husband manipulating me? He did not speak to me for two whole days. We have never kept malice for this long since we got married. I was sad and crying everyday. He did not even care I was pregnant….very unlike him….he used to care about me in my condition before now.
So now, I am more confused….should I have ignored the ex wife and continue in the ignorance bliss or now that I know,….what should I do? My husband refuses to admit or go to counselling. So what now? Should I confront Eliza? Should I not? Will it change anything? Should I continue as if nothing happened? I really don’t want to loose my marriage over infidelity but doing it is one thing, not showing remorse or even abusing me is another.
Sometimes I want to start shouting or breaking things to express my anger or frustration but I remember my husband’s ex….is that not how she did and see where she is now? I have suddenly lost all the happiness I ever knew in this marriage. How will I be happy when the one who is making me sad is not even apologizing or showing remorse. He is still not talking to me, not eating my food. He said if I don’t apologize, I can go and live with his ex wife. How do I solve this problem now?
I had no option but to tell my elder sister who is in US, my parents are late, its just me, my elder sister and my younger brothers. I cannot tell my younger brothers about my marriage problems, they will either fight my husband or ask me to leave the marriage. My elder sister was so upset. She tried to talk to my husband but he cut the phone on her. Then my husband rained many insults on me…calling me demon incarnate saying he has told me if I am tired of the marriage, I can go live with his ex.
My husband has drawn the line. its either I apologize to him, accept he is right and his ex is wrong, or I leave this house. I tried to call Eliza and found out she has blocked me. Obviously, hubby has told her everything. I thought of going to tell my husband’s friends or family but he is not really in good terms with his family. That one is story for another day. I told my priest about the issue and they advised me to be praying. I don’t know what else to do. I am not happy.
Should I apologize to my husband for peace sake but ignore the fact that he is having an affair with a married woman? Or should I consider this marriage over since I am not happy, he is not talking to me…he refused to apologize or show remorse yet abuses me everyday. I know he is not hitting me cos I am pregnant. What if he changes after I give birth? Will he beat me the same way he beat his ex?
Please I am very confused. I need advise.
Anonymous
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