How Do I Keep My Marriage After This?

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I Slept With My Best Friend: How Do I Keep My Marriage After This?

Hello ma,

Please hide my identity. I just need a confidant. Goke (not real name) and I have been friends since 2010. I knew him from work. He is a Christian youth leader. He invited me to his church you program and that is how we became friends.

We are so close that people tease us ,that we would get married. But we are only best of friends. Goke already was betrothed to his Pastor’s daughter right from secondary school. They have been in ministry for so long and they are both known to get married in future.

Goke and his girlfriend at the time seem like an odd couple to me but he always tells me how much her family helped him. I think he was marrying her cos of how her family helped him from when he was a Youth church member until he became a coordinator.

The girl is fat and a bit unattractive for Goke. Goke is a handsome bloke and everyone seem to think he and I were better together but Goke never tried to date me to be romantic to me. He was like a big brother to me. Anyone who tried to date me,must be screened by Goke. My first heartbreak…Goke was there for me but not romantically.

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In 2015, I met my husband. He was working in Abuja. He and I fell in love at first sight. Goke and my husband were cool. He approved of my husband. We got married in 2016. Goke and his girlfriend got married the same year.

After marriage, my husband became uncomfortable with my relationship with Goke. He didnt like that I referred to Goke as my best friend. Being married,he insisted that he as my husband should be my best friend. Just for peace,I told Goke that I have to reduce my closeness to him as my husband did not like it.

Goke did not like it but he respected my wishes. But sometimes, when me and my husband have challenges…Goke is the only friend that can advise me well cos he is a Pastor and God fearing. We are still believing God for the fruit of the womb. Its not been easy. My husband is understanding but sometimes, he too gets frustrated and it affects our communication and we sometimes fight alot.

Last year, around December…Goke opened up to me that he and his wife were having issues. They have been having issues even before marriage. He confessed that he married her cos he was engaged to her since the age of 19 years. He never wanted to break his promise. They have one daughter, she is 3 years old.

However, Goke caught his wife cheating and she has not stopped. He told her to choose between him and her lover and she moved out of their house in March 2019. She never returned. Goke never told me all of this. But in December, the wife filed for divorce and Goke became single.

I felt bad for Goke being my best friend. But then he said it was God’s will. I asked him what he meant by that…he said he knows I am the one he was supposed to marry but he was stubborn cos he wanted to fufill his promises to his ex wife. That revelation shocked me cos I then realized that I truly loved Goke but since he never showed me signs…I did not force it.

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Now, every day, I talk to Goke. Is what some people call emotional affair. He knows everything about me…even when I am on my period. I know. My husband is not aware but Goke gives me peace. I feel like I also made a mistake marrying my husband. He is good but not good enough for me.

Now, the big issue. I saw Goke exactly two months ago. It was a secret meeting but we had to see each other. It was a mistake but both of us knew this was our destiny. We made love. I am so sorry. Its exactly 2 months now. I am pregnant. What other confirmation is there? I been married for 4 years…no pregnancy…not even a miscarriage….I sleep once with Goke….and I get pregnant!!!

I am scared but I know I want to file for a divorce. I have not told Goke but that is what I will do. I called a lawyer and asked for advice on how to get a divorce. My husband stumbled on my chat with the lawyer and since then…my husband has not been himself. He has been angry and begging me and pleading with me.

Family has been called and everyone is asking me why I want a divorce. I cannot tell them that I am pregnant for another man. That will be too much for my family to bear. My family….everyone is begging me and asking me what happened…what do I tell them? My husband is promising to be a better man…promise to love me and care for me and do anything I ask…

Should I remove this pregnancy and forget about Goke or tell them the truth about Goke and me? What if I never have another child by my husband if I stay back in my marriage? Or should I pin the child on my husband? he could be the father…what if he is? What of the fact that Goke says he knows in his spirit …that I am his wife…what should I do?


Photo Credit:iStock

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