GREG GUTFELD: The Dems’ insurrection theater is not going to jail Trump, it’s going to get him re-elected

Happy Friday everybody. You look wonderful, I think. So how’s life? I know you got inflation, you got crime, we’re on the brink of nuclear war, but thank God these bozos have their priorities straight.

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Mmmm nine eyes like a fly, is that right? No, I don’t think so either. But there is a shocker.

TRUMP WRITES BLISTERING JAN. 6 COMMITTEE RESPONSE, DOESN’T SAY IF HE’LL TESTIFY

Just 25-days before the midterms, the Jan. 6th panel votes unanimously to subpoena Trump. That’s about as surprising as the final score at a Harlem Globetrotters game, and it’s about as spontaneous as Adam Schiff’s face. Does that make sense? No. And what a coincidence, it happens the same day the inflation number comes out, and it’s higher than Hunter Biden on free crack day. Crime is exploding like a can of Sprite left in a freezer too long. The borders are as open as the West Wing’s windows when Joe forgets his lactaid pills. Kids are getting dumber, and I have to walk over a drugged out zombie just to get to work. ‘So why not? Let’s go after Trump,’ screams the Dems. This guy’s been in more fake trials than the cast of Law and Order.

But the hope is the news cycle will shift from Biden’s disasters to the orange monster who can make Adam Kinzinger cry like he’s cutting onions while his nuts are —-. Terrible. So will this distraction overwhelm the public enough that they’ll forget it costs 100-bucks to fill up a tank of gas or 15-bucks for a pack of hot dogs. You heard right, Joy Behar’s lunch costs 15-bucks. 15-bucks is true, for a pack of dogs. Did someone blow up the Oscar Mayer pipeline too? Can’t the president tap into our tube steak reserves.

Look, surveys tell us everyone what everyone cares about, it ain’t Jan 6th. It’s the economy. It’s crime. January 6th is less important than Todd Pirro’s time slot. Someone’s watching, probably your family. Here’s why. January 6th is not eating away at your retirement fund. It’s not mugging people on the subways. It’s not killing people by the tens of thousands like fentanyl, and it’s certainly not elevating possibility for nuclear war as we pour billions into a conflict thousands of miles away, and I don’t mean Kat’s honeymoon. Each one of those things is an urgent matter.

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People are dying on the streets, in their beds, and soon, maybe everywhere else, they have us so close to a nuclear disaster, you can practically taste the plutonium. Which reminds me of Dana’s queso, nah that was worse. But January 6th, that’s the concern, it’s their Hail Mary. No wonder so many are leaving the party like the keg is empty, and the cops just showed up, including this smart woman.

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You know that lady, I think she makes a lot of sense. I should have her on. But don’t fret Democrats, you lost the Tulsi, but you gained a Liz Cheney. But I’m starting to think the Dems screwed up with this insurrection theater. I predict it’s going to backfire, like Eric Swalwell after an extra-large bean burrito. It’s not going to jail Trump, it’s going to get him re-elected. There’s going to be a Red Dawn, starting with an orange dawn.

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And here’s why, any time you watch the hearing, you see that the committee was more stacked than Dolly Parton playing Jenga. And it’s bursting, it’s bursting with contempt for Trump and his supporters, a witch hunt armed with preordained conclusions and empowered with unlimited time and effort, all on the taxpayers’ dime, which is now worth only $0.03 since Biden took office. They’re having a trial where the prosecution and judges are on the same side and opposed by no one. With that setup, I could convict Tom Hanks of murder, and I just might. And it just validates Trump supporters’ suspicions that the fix is in, and the fix was always in.

So the Dems are right, the hearings are going to anger some Americans, but not in the way they think. People don’t swallow B.S. unless and even when you hide it and Kilmeade’s sandwich. Fact is, this country has big problems. Economy, crime, the border, Harry and Meghan. What are we going to do with them? But the Dems work to distract rather than attack the problems. Imagine if they spent all their energy on these issues instead of political theatrics. It’s like they’re all frustrated movie directors.

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Rather than solve the problems head on, they find weirder things to do, like convincing children they’d be happier, sterile. Rather than tackle the border, they want to audit Ron DeSantis. Yeah, that’s just what America asks for. Never mind our sovereignty is being invaded. Let’s find out if he was really talking politics when he wrote off that dinner at the Outback Steakhouse. They’ll weaponize anything against their enemies. It’s just like how Taylor Swift weaponized her music after I dumped her. I moved on Taylor, it’s about time. So I hope the Dems get shellacked and maybe learn a lesson, because they never address a problem until they could see the political consequences approaching. But by then, so much damage has been done. The problems are not only worse, but perhaps unsalvageable. Much like CNN.

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I mean, imagine if the Dems tried to tackle the problems, they could prevent a lot of suffering. Instead, they don’t. So now we have a war. We have inflation. We have violence. It ends there, if we’re lucky. We’ve got a White House that not only created 99% of it, but can’t do squat about any of it, except to tell you not to believe your lying eyes and radioactive skin.