Before Buhari Returns To His Cows! By Ozodinukwe Okenwa

President Muhammadu Buhari marked his 79th birthday in far-away Turkey where he was attending the three-day Turkey-Africa Partnership Summit in Istanbul. Buhari needs Erdogan as the latter needs him. The two Presidents have something in common: they are bloody civilian dictators! They rule their respective countries with little or no legislative or judicial independence. While in the Turkish capital Buhari was reported to be ‘surprised’ when his aides presented him with a rich birthday cake designed in national colours of green and white.

As he celebrated good wishes and encomiums expectedly poured in. Asiwaju Tinubu, Femi Gbajabiamila, VP Yemi Osinbajo and many other politicians of fortune took time off to eulogise the President for his ‘great services’ to the nation. The Minister of Information and Culture, Lai Mohammed, addressed a press conference in his hometown where he praised Buhari to high heavens listing his achievements. Nothing less was expected from a glorified liar whose past and present presents a contradictory history of verbosity and mendacity.

 

Two of Buhari’s Special Assistants on Media and Publicity, Femi Adesina and Garba Shehu, were not left out of the praise-singing season. They both wrote different pieces extolling the President’s virtues and defending his legacy and so-called achievements. Nothing less, of course, was expected from the Goebbels of Aso Rock!

For Deacon Adesina Buhari had maintained a life of frugality and simplicity in sharp contrast to the ostentatious ones being lived by the ‘Evil Genius’ and ‘Baba’. Indirectly he mentioned the palatial edifices containing multiple rooms where the former leaders retired to. He regaled us of old and tired tales of a carpet changed in Buhari’s modest country home in Daura to his astonishment; how he acknowledged his stinginess and how his integrity was intact.

And for Shehu Garba (better known as ‘Garbage’) Buhari had done ‘wonders’, achieving much more than his predecessors put together. His principal, according to him, had successfully tackled insecurity by buying more sophisticated weapons for the troops; corruption had been reduced to the barest minimum and the economy revitalized.

Yet, while no sane mortal could begrudge the media aides for painting their principal in glowing colours on a special day they failed to acknowledge the fact that Nigeria has suffered bloody blows by outlaws and reprobates, criminals and politicians alike including the President himself.

At 79 Buhari should, ordinarily, be thankful to Allah for attaining the golden age of three scores and nineteen years (whether official or unofficial his real age). In a nation where the average life expectancy of the average Nigerian is less than fifty years it is indeed a ‘Methuselahn’ achievement for anyone to belong to the Septuagenarian club.

If Allah in His infinite mercy had spared Buhari of His wrath after his atrocities as a military dictator (and even now as a democratically-elected President) granting him longer life then he must be eternally grateful to Providence. Under his watch in the past and present hundreds if not thousands of Nigerians had lost their lives as a result of leadership irresponsibility and brutal abuse of power.

Just a year seperated from joining the Octogenarian generation club (which includes the Obasanjos and Babangidas) Buhari has been kept alive more because of the global scientific medical evolution and the Nigerian tax-payers money. If not for the medical professionalism and sophistication of his London doctors and the humongous state funds at his disposal perhaps Buhari would have since become history.

Who says money cannot ‘buy’ life?! Money answereth all things, including longevity.

From Istanbul while basking in the euphoria of soon becoming an Octogenarian President Buhari made an important statement concerning his retirement and 2023.

The statement of retirement was significant for two reasons. One, it shows that the President would not like to emulate Olusegun Obasanjo in his third term gambit madness. No constitutional amendment is in the pipeline, therefore, to elongate his tenure illegally! And secondly, he demonstrated his ‘love’ for his cows and his devotion to cattle ranching. He may not be gifted with statecraft but herding, surely, remains his natural ‘calling’.

In a Facebook post (so he still believes and uses the social media platforms?) Buhari was reported to have said: “I look forward to 2023 when I finish my tenure, to go home to take charge of my farm….Between now and that time, I will do the best that is possible to advance the interest of the nation and its people”

Really? If he could not advance our collective interests since 2015 what made he think that the next remaining year and half would see magic performances?

Before President Buhari returns to his cows, come June 2023, we must thank him for the ‘services’ he rendered to our dear nation (positive or negative). Positive services like the much-vaunted infrastructural development, agricultural development and junketing around the world. Negative ‘services’ like the #EndSARS massacre, the external debt burden, Fulani herdsmen phenomenon, state terrorism and shedding of blood.

And above all, for banning Twitter. We must express our ‘gratitude’ to him for making life hellish for majority of Nigerians; for his record poverty increasing abilities and leadership disabilities.

And before he goes back to his cows we must admit here that, ordinarily, that is where he should have been all along. Buhari has no business, given his shortcomings and weaknesses, vying for or presiding over the fate of hundreds of millions of people. His ambition after his military service to the motherland should have been to retire to his farm where his cows are in need of his shepherding. He has just wasted our years as a nation under dire-stress.

We would always remember him for promising to end insurgency only for the menace to gain more grounds under his watch; for promising to revamp the economy and ended up encountering two recessions; for promising to combat graft only for corruption to become more intractable and ‘scientific’ under his command.

Buharism must never be forgotten in a hurry for giving us ‘Maina-gate’, ‘Lawal-gate’, and other ‘gates’ too numerous to mention here. May 2023 come faster!

SOC Okenwa
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