Help-My Marriage Is On The Verge Of Breaking Up Due To Fake Lifestyle

True Life Story: Help-My Marriage Is On The Verge Of Breaking Up Due To Fake Lifestyle

Hi Lively Stones,

I need your advise. Its my husband’s fake lifestyle that is on the verge of breaking up our marriage. This man and I have had a rocky marriage for the last six years. I never saw the signs until the second year of our marriage. I never knew my husband was living a fake life when we dated. He seemed comfortable as a banker so I did not really know about his money. But soon, I realized that I got married to someone who likes to show off that he has money and is living the Lagos big boy life but he had nothing.

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By the time I realized he was living a pretentious lifestyle, I was already pregnant. We kept having issues of him clubbing (he used to say he goes to club for networking, to meet his targets at work), he was spending money he borrowed for clubs and buying flashy things like clothes, cars and latest phones and other gadgets.

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Yes, he works in the bank but he does not earn as much as he pretends to earn. When I spoke to him to stop living this life of pretense, he said, everyone in Lagos is faking it until they made it especially bankers. I found out his colleagues too were into this kind of lifestyle. He used to say even big men like Bill Gates, Dangote and Otedola borrows money. So, there is nothing wrong in borrowing. We were always in debt. Our house rent was 4M, I told him lets move to the mainland where we will get cheaper rent but he said over his dead body will he move to mainland.

So we continued having arguments, hiding from debtors. Many times, I have bailed him from police custody for borrowing money. He also was involved in heavy betting and he was loosing money. Some of his family members was tired to talking to him….well, not many of them cos they liked to collect money from him, only his sister would talk sense to him. The rest pretended with him too. I got tired of talking and left him alone . The only thing I made sure was that, I tried to manage within my own finances cos I knew I could never depend on my husband. Of course, he never spent the money on me cos he felt I was always complaining and not supporting his lifestyle.

Its been six years of constant wahala in this marriage. Then, my car broke down and it needed almost 800k to fix. My husband refused to fix it. He said he will buy me a benz and I told him no, that we cant afford a benz. And how do we even maintain a bez? He is driving a Ford jeep and that is high maintenance already. Because of that, he refused to buy or help me fix my car. So, I started saving money to buy a car for myself. I have saved like 2M to buy any small car and I told him that I am looking for a car within that budget.

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My budget is really small but my husband refused to help me. Then he asked me to loan him the 2M, that he wants to invest it for me, that he will make money on it and give me back 5M in three months. I refused because I know that is how he has been scamming people. As a banker, he will take money from customers, telling them he is investing and that is how he will put everything in betting and loose everything.

This issue caused a big quarrel. My husband says he is tired of me always on his case, that I dont trust him with money and he feels we are not compatible. I did not say anything but for several months, I have noticed he has been coming back home very late or sometimes, he will not come back for days. When I ask him, he will ignore me. I know he is seeing other women, that is why he does not come home.

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This is really upsetting me cos before, I never suspected him cheating, only money issues but now, he is cheating on me. The signs are all there: he no longer has s3x with me and he never looks at me anymore…he says he regrets marrying me. So, I called his family to come and talk to him. When they came, he told them its because I refuse to trust him and give him my 2M, that he has decided to divorce me cos he realize that I am always against him and that is why he is not making financial progress.

Now, his family is taking his side, that as a woman, I should support my husband’s financial ambition cos if I dont, he will never do well in Life…and that its because instead of praying for my husband to make it, I am attacking his financial plans. I was stunned…which financial plans? my husband does not have any legal financial plans and his family is pretending not to know that. I am shocked. They said its my prayers that is hindering their brother from making it big. They say a woman is not supposed t challenge how the husband makes money.

And they also said, if I have money, its my husband’s money and so, that 2M that my husband asked for, that I should give it to him as a sign of submission and support to my husband. I don’t know how his family can turn against me and take his sides but this marriage just became very unbearable now. They are saying, if I don’t submit the money to my husband, that their brother can do whatever he likes including getting a divorce and sending me away and sleeping with other women.

I do not feel welcome anymore in this marriage….I feel exhausted living in this lie…all I see is a man going down the drain and he wants to drag me along with him. I fear that if something is not done, my husband will drown this family into financial debt that will sink us….I also fear that his cheating will continue and he may no longer be in love with me anymore. The cheating hurt me so much more than even the fake lifestyle…This is not how I planned my life but it looks like I have no choice but to start thinking of a future for myself….

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Please advice me…I do not want a divorce … I still love my husband….but things seems to have gone out of hand. How do I save my marriage? How do I get my husband to do the right thing? Should I give him the 2M, knowing he will squander it? Should I continue to submit foolishly to him and let him ruin us to stupor? Please advise me. I am going insane. I have 2 children who need their father and mother but our home seems to be breaking apart because of all these issues and I don’t know what else to do. I am on the verge of depression.

Please advise me.

Anonymous

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