Once A Stripper But All Of Us Are Struggling-Story Continues

True Life Story: Once A Stripper But All Of Us Are Struggling-Story Continues

Good day Lively Stones,

I am an ardent reader of this blog. Since 2019. The reason I follow the blog is because I know this blog is all about helping people who need sound advice without judgment. And I have found most advice here very uplifting. But some people here are just so judgmental in their approach to advice. (Especially on the last story about the former stripper, click here to read that story) I know everyone will not have the same opinion but people like us would be nowhere if no one gave us a second chance in life.

My name is Sharon, not my real name, please. I am 35 years old married woman living in Europe. I made terrible mistakes as a young person. But God gave me a second chance. This is my story: I was probably 17 or 18 when I met my boyfriend, Prince. We were in Benin. Everyone was talking about hustling and going abroad. If you lived in Benin, every family had someone in Europe. It was a sign of success.

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My boyfriend hustled and left for Europe. The plan was for me to join him soon. About a year later, I joined him. And that was when my hell started. When I joined Prince, I saw how most people were living in Europe. Most were into a lot of illegal things and what my boyfriend had planned for me was prostitution. I never knew that. But a lot of our friends were in it and were making it big, sending money back home and their families were celebrating them and boasting about how successful their children are abroad.

That is how I got involved in all kinds of acts of s3x. Apart from my husband, I was servicing several Europeans and people from other nationalities. They just loved African women. I was making money and sending home. The more money I made…the more I worked hard. I became a professional. I was in high demand cos I provided services that most ladies would not. There was no limit to my entertainment….from clubs to private parties….to even p*rn movies, I participated in all.

At one point, I was hooked on cocaine and s3x. I was enjoying my life. I was even sending money home for my family to build me a house. My boyfriend and I separated cos I had settled him for bringing me….I had become my boss now…I had a unique set of clients. I bought a house and a car in Europe at age 25. Then one day, I met Louis, a preacher. I met him on a train, he gave me a flier to come to church…..one day, I just sha went to the church.

After the church service, Louis came to talk to me about salvation, following God, etc. I told him God will not want me cos I have sinned too far. I even slept with animals to be paid very highly in p*orn movies. Louis never gave up, he would call or text me, praying for me. We became friends and he started teaching me how to do legitimate work. He also invited me to counseling. With his help, I was able to open a beauty salon. With my client base, I had rich customers and before long, I quit ashawo business.

At age 29, Louis proposed to me. I refused to marry him cos I felt he was too good for me but he promised never to let my past come in between us. Louis, a European married a former Ashawo girl. My wedding was the most beautiful and everything was great. I got pregnant and had a lovely baby girl. In all these, life was ok but I suffered to fit in the normal world. I struggled with changing how I loved to dress. my husband is a preacher…people expected me to dress a certain way but I loved to dress sexy…Louis did not mind but I saw how people in church would be looking at me. Then the most setback came when I suffered post pattern depression. I lost my self-esteem and before I knew it, I started slipping back into my old ways.

My mind was too corrupt. I felt I was deceiving myself thinking I can be a perfect person with my new husband. I missed my old life…I was comfortable with my old life…s3x with hubby was too boring….I was pretending to be enjoying it but I was not….I went back and slept with someone…I needed some dirty s3x to make me feel desirable and sexy and wanted. I needed the excitement, so I cheated on my husband. I had a full-month affair with my ex: Prince. Until Louis discovered. I thought our marriage was over….he felt betrayed of course…disappointed too, that after all the work he did….after all the progress I made…I went back to my vomit.

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To be honest, I missed the money and lifestyle I was making on the streets. Being a salon business owner made me feel less fulfilled. I moved out of my home….I asked Louis for a divorce but he swore never to grant me the divorce. This continued until 2020…covid year. I was down with covid…I almost died. If not for Louis. After that, I entered rehab and with Louis’s help, I have been trying to get my life back on track.

I still get the urge to have s3x, to drink…to even take drugs. I struggle a lot….and I can say if not for my husband never leaving my side…I would completely fall apart. I even fear for my daughter…I don’t want her growing up to see her mother like this. Every day, I am trying my best…I try not to dwell on thoughts that come to me, that I am not good enough or that being married with a family will bring me happiness.

When I told Louis that s3x with him was boring….he permitted me to have s3x outside if that pleased me…he said he did not marry me for s3x but for my mind…in other words…he opened our marriage just to make me happy. I was lost for words. That alone made me decide not to cheat on him at all. You see when you are in rehab, they train you with suggestions on how to change your lifestyle. That is what I am trying to do but if I am being honest, my marriage s3x life is not just boring…I have a very high s3x libido than my husband.

And that is where the problem is: Louis thinks because I was a hooker….that is why I have a high s3x drive but I think I naturally have an s3x drive and I am shying from trying to convince my husband cos he will think I am just a hooker who can’t change. That is where I need help. How do I deal with my libido? Even though I have a pass to sleep with other men….I don’t want to do it…so instead…I masturbate secretly….but it’s not helping.

People like us…need help cos we lived a very rough life….the changes we need to make won’t just happen overnight. It takes time….and a patient support system. And the truth is, just like my libido….some things we picked up from past life will seem impossible to get rid of. I think some of us don’t have to be former hookers to relate to this cos the people I met during my days as a hooker include men and women…married men and women who are not finding sexual satisfaction from their spouses…everyone has ashawo vibes… it’s just that some are more disciplined than others.

Yes, it’s more difficult especially when you used to have a lot of s3x as a hobby and a job before…but that does not mean we can’t be good people or that we can’t change…I encourage that guy from the previous story to stick to his babe in the UK…help her stay straight if you love her. For me, I pray to God to help me but I also need and crave your understanding and advice on how to live a better life for my husband and my daughter because they deserve a better wife and mother.

Thank you.

Anonymous

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