7 Right Reasons Your Relationship Isn’t Progressing

July 24, 2024 Mary

We all love progress in life. Whether it’s climbing the career ladder, achieving personal goals, or improving our fitness, seeing forward momentum gives us a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

We often set benchmarks for ourselves—where we want to be in five years, and how we envision our future unfolding.

Remember the common interview question about your five-year plan? It’s all about envisioning progress and setting a path to reach those heights.

In relationships, we also crave progress.

We want to see our partnership grow, deepen, and move toward a shared future.

Even if we don’t care about long-term planning initially, the world around us often nudges us to aim higher.

We see countless couples posting their milestones online, setting standards that can make us question where we stand.

These images and stories flood our feeds, making us feel that progress is not just desired but necessary.

When a relationship isn’t progressing, it’s easy to assume someone is at fault.

You might think there’s a lack of effort, poor communication, or unresolved conflicts.

But what if you’re ticking all the boxes and still feel stuck?

Sometimes, the reasons for a relationship not moving forward are deeper and not about anyone doing something wrong.

More often than not, there are the right reasons for it, and these right reasons can be more challenging to spot but are crucial to understand.

You’re about to get a revelation that will shed light on why your relationship might be at a standstill for valid reasons.

1. You’re Both Growing Apart

Everyone loves the idea of growth, and it’s enticingly great when we both can smash our personal goals as partners, sometimes even exceeding our expectations.

Individual growth often serves as a yardstick for relationship success, signaling that both partners are thriving.

However, sometimes personal growth can indicate that things are not going or will not go well in the relationship.

I’ve seen highly successful people, well-known and respected for their achievements, draw the line in their relationships.

When they separate or divorce, both continue to do well individually, contributing greatly to themselves and the world.

It’s not always about fault, right?

Both partners can be lovely, respectful, and high-flying individuals, yet find it hard to progress together in a relationship.

They may have developed different interests, priorities, or values as they pursued their individual goals.

Despite their mutual respect and admiration, their paths may diverge, making it challenging to find common ground and move forward as a couple.

Relationship progress isn’t just about individual achievements.

It’s about ensuring that your personal growth doesn’t come at the expense of the relationship.

So many people miss the mark here and little wonder their relationships bear the brunt.

This very reason leads us to the next important point.

2. You’re Not Making the Needed Compromise

You see, it’s always easy to come together in a relationship and recognize the need to compromise.

Initially, the willingness to adjust and adapt seems to foster mutual growth and understanding.

However, if you’re not making the needed compromises to push the relationship toward greater mutual achievement, then you’re not going to progress.

Let’s rewind that.

Compromise is good, and you can easily see its immediate effect.

But sometimes, the choices we make about what to let go of might not be exactly what is needed to make the relationship progress.

The compromises might not be in the right quantity or direction to foster true growth.

So, what does the kind of compromise that propels progress look like?

It’s about making decisions that genuinely benefit the relationship, even if they require significant personal adjustments.

This might mean prioritizing time together over individual hobbies, aligning on major life goals, or consistently working on communication skills.

One sad thing I’ve seen is some partners understand the compromise they are making won’t lead to progress, but that’s what their partner blindly wanted, or that’s what they decided to do knowing it won’t work.

They go along with decisions that don’t foster growth, creating a facade of harmony while the relationship remains stagnant.

So, sit back and consider the compromises you’ve made.

Evaluate whether they align with the long-term goals and health of the relationship.

You might realize that the changes needed are different from what you initially thought.

Understanding this can help ensure that you’re not just ticking all the boxes but making meaningful compromises that truly propel your relationship forward.

3. You Are a Victim of Your Past

Sadly, our pasts are like prisons. They can hold our present and future hostage, pulling down everything in their path if we don’t check them.

Without a fight, past experiences and traumas often affect one’s ability to fully commit or move forward in a relationship.

The need for personal healing can naturally slow down the relationship’s progress.

I once shared on Facebook how my early years were marked with hatred, marginalization, and mental abuse.

I lived in a big community where tens of families dictated the course of one’s life.

Since I chose to be different from my kin, I was hated for it, and many plotted to hunt me mentally.

While I absorbed all the heat, I did not know how much their schemes affected me until years into my marriage.

After seven years of marriage, I was listening to some messages that helped peel back those pages.

I realized my tendency to be defensive when I had any disagreement with my wife or anyone for that matter, stemmed from past traumas.

This constant mental fight to never be found wrong dealt a great blow to me.

While this can be seen as wrong, it’s not one of those vices one can be judged for.

Most of these issues are not our fault, especially those stemming from childhood experiences.

So, do you have any baggage from your past?

Whether it’s fear of abandonment, trust issues, or emotional scars from previous relationships, these are unseen battles that you can’t win if you don’t confront them head-on.

Rightfully so, they affect your relationship.

They might make you overly defensive, hesitant to trust, or prone to withdrawing emotionally.

These reactions can create barriers to deepening your bond with your partner.

Like me, decided to fight this inner battle to a stop.

It’s hard, but it’s the only way forward.

And I wish you all the best, dear friend.

4. Your Goals Are Not Smart

In every aspect of life, setting goals is crucial for progress.

Whether it’s in our careers, personal development, or relationships, having clear objectives helps us stay focused and motivated.

There are different types of goals—short-term, long-term, personal, and shared.

However, simply setting goals isn’t enough; they need to be SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

It’s easy to fault a lack of progress or undesirable outcomes on a failure to set goals.

But what happens when a couple sets goals that are too audacious? Ambitious goals can sometimes set us up for disappointment if they are unrealistic or not well thought out.

The goals you set as a couple will directly influence the results you achieve.

I wouldn’t want to blame anyone outright when their goals are not met.

However, understand that the outcome of your goals is directly proportional to how they were set.

If your goals are too vague, overly ambitious, or lack a clear timeline, they might hinder your relationship’s progress.

Instead of being fixated on the goals you have set, take a moment to revisit them.

Reflect on whether they meet the SMART criteria.

Are they specific enough? Can you measure your progress?

Are they realistically achievable given your current circumstances?

Do they align with your overall relationship aspirations? Is there a clear timeframe for achieving them?

Modifying your goals to make them more attainable and aligned with your relationship’s reality can provide a clearer path forward.

This adjustment might be the key to overcoming the stagnation and moving towards a more fulfilling partnership.

5. You Are Far From Each Other

To this day, I find it hard to understand why those living apart or in long-distance relationships beat themselves up over their progress or find it easy to compare themselves to others.

Even if you do everything right individually, the idea of being apart is a huge hindrance to your progress as partners, and it’s rightfully so.

For those whose past relationships weren’t long-distance, there can be even more concerns.

The physical proximity they once enjoyed might make the current distance feel even more challenging.

Regardless of your situation, instead of living in regret or pushing your ideals too much, first understand the disadvantages of being far from each other.

Physical distance can limit emotional intimacy, create communication barriers, and make shared experiences harder to come by.

With this understanding, focus on what you can do within your reach and embrace it every day.

Make the most of your time together, even if it’s virtual.

Find creative ways to stay connected and prioritize quality communication.

While distance is a challenge, it doesn’t have to define your relationship’s potential for progress.

6. Your Inability to Change Isn’t Helping

I studied physics in university, and of all the laws, the one that sticks with me is the principle often attributed to Albert Einstein:

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Just like in life, doing the same thing over and over in a relationship won’t guarantee progress or success.

If you lack innovation, creativity, shared interests, or mutual effort in the right direction, your lack of progress shouldn’t be surprising.

This situation isn’t always perceived as bad by most people, but you must understand that one reason you are not progressing is due to what you haven’t done or can’t do.

Stagnation can stem from an unwillingness or inability to adapt and change.

If this is marked by an inability you can’t shake off, I feel sincerely sorry for you and wish you all the best.

But if this opens your eyes in the right direction, I hope you will seize the chance to make the necessary changes.

Embrace new ideas, try different approaches, and work together to create a dynamic and evolving relationship.

The willingness to change and grow is essential for any relationship to thrive.

7. Your Choice of Partner Isn’t Helping Matters

We make choices for reasons best known to us, and with these choices come the good and bad.

While a partner can tick all our boxes, there are chances they can’t help a relationship progress in the long haul.

Every point shared earlier hinges on this premise.

Our ability to set SMART goals, communicate effectively, make needed compromises, and grow together are all offshoots of our choice in a partner.

If your partner isn’t aligned with your core values, goals, or way of thinking, it can be challenging to make significant progress together.

Unlike other issues, this particular reason often creates the worst effect.

If you find yourself in this situation, what do you do? Some can be bold enough to call it quits, recognizing that the long-term limitations outweigh the short-term comfort.

Others might succumb to the lifelong limitations, staying in the relationship despite the stagnation.

Whatever your choice is, understand that your happiness is non-negotiable.

Your well-being and fulfillment should always be a priority.

If this realization leads you to make a difficult decision, know that it’s a step toward a more fulfilling future.

And I wish you all the best.