When The Marriage Is Just A Business Arrangement
True Life Story: When The Marriage Is Just A Business Arrangement
Hi Lively Stones,
My story is not that of a regular marriage or relationship. Its a business deal. My husband and I were arranged to get married four years ago. The marriage was arranged by his father. Before I met him, I and his father were in an off and on hook ups. His father is a man around town. I mean, he is in his late 50s but he is still a great looking guy and very active. We actually broke up because I decided I wanted to settle down with a man closer to my age.
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From time to time, he would check on me and somehow, he managed to convince his son that lives in Europe to have a Nigerian wife. His son has been in Europe for six years, married to a white woman. I was told that the woman said also that she does not want to have children. But the guy loves her so much. But due to his family pressure, he decided to have a wife who will bear him children, which is where I come in.
Yes, I was fully aware of all of this before I agreed to marry my husband. I was not getting any younger and it seems no man was coming for me, so we got married traditionally. He stayed one week after the wedding and as God would have it, I got pregnant before my husband went back to base. He usually comes to naija twice in a year and God being so good, I get pregnant each time we make love. We have two boys now.
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Currently, I live in the house that my husband bought here in Abuja. My father in-law stays in another part of the city and from time to time, checks on me and the kids. One of the issues I have is that the father never told his son about us and since his son is not around, he has been trying to get me to sleep with him. I have been telling him no because I am married, to his son for God’s sake…he keeps reminding me that the marriage is just a paper…a business contract and as such, I do not need to be faithful to my husband.
After all, my own husband is married legally to someone else whom he loves. That way, I am only married to bear children for his son. This debate and argument continued for a long time, yet I have refused to yield and I am very lonely. Seeing your husband once or twice for a f*ck is not nearly enough. I jokingly told my husband that I am getting frustrated by his absence…that I might find myself a friend to help me.
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Surprisingly, my husband said if I need permission, to sleep with other men, that I am free because he understands how it feels. That his father spoke to him about it…that since ours is not a marriage of love…that I am free to do as I please sexually…but I need to be very discreet…Is this the devil testing me or what? So I have the permission but will it be wise to use it? Yes, I jokingly asked him but I never expected him to say yes…does that mean….
Does that mean…me and his father can? Or just other people? If you were in shoes, what will you do? Since that time, the father has intensified the pressure. Its gotten to the point that I am now avoiding him…I know I have permission but I feel like sleeping with my children’s grand father might bring bad luck…I do not know whether its bad luck for me or my children…
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I know its just a business arrangement…so I should feel less guilty but what should I do?
Anonymous.
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