Please Help-I Have Been Having Panic Attacks & Anxiety About My Marriage

True Life Story: Please Help-I Have Been Having Panic Attacks & Anxiety About My Marriage

Dear Lively Stones,

Please advise me. I am feeling jealous and upset, having anxiety about my marriage.  I don’t know how to act. So, this is hard for me. Two or three years after we got married, there is this woman who came to our church. she claimed she was a widow with seven children and that things were difficult for them. The church made an announcement for people to help the woman and her children. So many people donated to her, some help her set up her small provision shop.

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At that time, I have two small children and I needed a house help. So, I asked if one of the woman’s daughter’s could be our maid so she can be paid to earn some money, in addition to whatever the mother was able to make from her small shop. That is how this woman’s daughter, Dorcas (not real name) came to live with us a maid. To be honest, Dorcas was very hardworking and she loved my children, she took care of them very well.

Dorcas lived with us for almost a year until one day, one hot Saturday afternoon, I was taking a nap. Hubby was in the living room watching a match. I asked Deborah to feed and watch my first child while I was napping with my baby. Somehow, I woke up and wandered to the sitting room and saw that the TV was on but hubby was not there. I then wandered to the children’s room and saw the most horrifying images of my life….Dorcas and hubby were on my child’s bed and were having engaged in a heavy make out session.

I screamed and lost my senses for a few minutes….my child was even sleeping beside them. Hubby was desecrating my home, our sanctuary…..and even my innocent child…..sleeping beside their despicable act. I felt my world crash ….it was horrible…I cried for days….hubby kept begging. He said there was no penetration but that was not my concern. Of course, Dorcas had to leave…her mother was very sorry but blamed my husband….she was a 17 year old so hubby was the main blame here. Dorcas mum sent her away to stay with her grandmother in the village.

I thought my marriage was over. For months, if not for the church intervention, our marriage was over….I almost moved out but I thought of my children. Hubby said it only happened once but I don’t believe him for one minute. That year was a very bad year for us that I cant remember how I survived. Its been 4 years ever since but trust for hubby has never been the same. I never brought any other maid….I managed until I broke down several times.

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Life gradually has moved on but guess what happened, few Sundays ago, during church service, I noticed a young lady who was dressed in very flashy dress with red colored hair….it turned out to be Dorcas. When I saw her, I panicked. According to what I was told, she has returned to Lagos. I felt destabilized cos she brought back painful memories. I tried not to dwell too much on this situation but when we were going home, my husband’s phone kept ringing and he was not taking his call. I did not recognize the number either.

I asked why he is not taking his calls and he said its cos he is driving…so I asked if I should pick it up and place on speaker for him to listen, he said no….I left the phone but when we got home. Hubby called me into the room and told me the call was from Dorcas. I asked him how he knew, he said she texted him when he did not pick up her call. Hmmm…while I appreciated hubby for telling me about Dorcas….I became paranoid as to why she was calling him. So, I asked him and he said he does not know and he does not care to know.

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You see, this response from my hubby seems like someone who is trying to prove that he has nothing to do with Dorcas or have any intention of doing anything with her….I am still worried. I told my husband that I will call Dorcas and he said there is no need, that we should ignore her. That he is going to block her line. I told him that is not enough but he said, I can do whatever I like cos no matter what he does, he sees that I do not trust him. That hit me. So now, he is saying I don’t trust him. Making me feel bad. So I left the matter.

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I saw Dorcas again in church yesterday. I began to sweat with panic and anxiety. I could not focus in church through out. I feel like I will not be able to relax until I confront this girl, I want to look her in the eyes and ask her why she called or texted my husband. I feel like beating her for daring to call my husband. I am suspecting everything my husband is doing now that she is around. I am not at peace. Please advise me…what should I do….I am loosing my sanity.

Anonymous

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