My Parents Are Upset Because I Ended My Engagement To The Person They Prefer

True Life Story: My Parents Are Upset Because I Ended My Engagement To The Person They Prefer

Hi Lively Stones,

I have a question for your blog, How do you know what is real love? I am a 26-year-old Techie, I am engaged but I ended my engagement with my fiancé of two years because I think I don’t love him as much as before. Yes, there is someone else and I think I love that person more than my fiancé. My parents disagree with me. They think I am making a mistake and have refused to allow me to be with this guy that I am now in love with.

I think my parents are biased because my fiancé is a banker and he is Yoruba cos we are Yorubas while this new guy is into his business and not a Yoruba. I met Niyi (not my real name) three years ago in a bank where I was posted to work. I got retained by the bank. A few months later, Niyi started asking me out. I was hot and every guy wanted to date me but Niyi was the one that caught my fancy.

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I had to even get another job in another bank as our relationship became public. Don’t worry, the job offer came with better pay. A year later, Niyi proposed to me. I love Niyi but I was not thinking of getting married at the time. I was just 25 but my mom was so happy cos I have 2 elder sisters who are almost 30 and 32 … and they are not married. But I felt Niyi used the engagement to pin me down. Well, I was not going to walk down the aisle until maybe when I was 27 or 28. I told Niyi that.

Last year, I got an internal job offer to work remotely. The pay was 10 times better than what I was earning. So, I started working from home. Sometimes, I would take my laptop to my balcony to work and that was when I started seeing my neighbor come out every afternoon to smoke. Well, when we saw each other, he would just say hi and I would say hi back. One day, he asked me to join him for a smoke. I said I don’t smoke. He said he knows but he’s asking me to come out and stretch my legs. It sounded like a good idea and so I joined him on his balcony.

My neighbor is Wilson (not real name). He is a forex trader and he also works from home. We started hanging out every afternoon when we both took a break from work. Niyi met him and sometimes we all hung out over the weekend. One day early year, Niyi and I got into a nasty fight and broke up for three days. I was feeling so bad that Wilson offered me a cigarette. I wanted to feel a little better so I agreed to smoke a cigarette. But Niyi gave me weed instead. He said I needed something strong to help me feel better.

And he was right, I became high and forgot about my heartbreak for a while…I became horny too and we started kissing. I thought I could stop him but when he touched my clitoris, I was wet as fck. We fcked for the whole three days that Niyi and I were not talking. And that is how the affair started. It’s been six months of me hiding my affair from Niyi. But I have fallen in love with Wilson. We vibe better….we even do business investments together.

I feel bad about lying to Niyi. But Niyi is already suspecting something is wrong and has been asking me. I keep telling him nothing is wrong, just work stress. This secret has been very hard for me and Wilson and we are tired of hiding it. So, I told Niyi that I was no longer interested in getting married to him….I broke up with him. He kept asking me why…I told him I had feelings for someone else….he was like…..who is it? I told him it was Wilson. Niyi went ballistic….threatening to f*ck up Wilson.

Niyi went to tell my parents that I was cheating on him with a Yahoo boy. Wilson is claiming Forex trader but that most young men into Forex are Yahoo boys. My parents called me and warned me to end things with Wilson and go back to Niyi. They say Wil is not a husband material cos he smokes and is a Yahoo boy. Wil smokes yes but weed is legal in most parts of the world now. I also smoke…they don’t know that but what is the big deal, everyone has something that they like right?

Niyi is still begging me…saying I am just infatuated with Wilson cos he looks like a bad boy image,…and that young ladies like that….that he seduced me with s3x, and that Wilson has no plans for me. Truth is, Wilson has not even mentioned marriage but I love him too much…even if we don’t marry …I am ok with that. But my parents think I have been brainwashed by Wilson. My younger brother too is supporting them. He says I have changed and have been badly influenced by Wilson.

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My take is…apart from smoking that Wilson does….how is he a bad influence? I challenged my parents to admit that they don’t like Wilson cos he is not Yoruba…my mom said yes, she would prefer me to marry someone from my ethnic group but her main issue is that Wilson looks dangerous and suspicious. Niyi is a respectable banker with a stable job. Please what do you think? Is she not being tribalistic? Why is a forex trader not taken seriously? He makes more money than Niyi does but they say he is yahoo. My father feels he wasted money to raise me if I want to marry a common Forex trader….and Yahoo boy.

I don’t think Wilson is a yahoo boy but I am seeking your advice. Was I too quick or wrong to break up with Niyi? My parents say I am too young to see that Wilson is not ready to settle down. But who says I want to settle down? Is it wrong for a woman not to want to get married? I have a man who loves me and can have a baby with me in the future. How is that wrong? I believe marriage is just a paper…you don’t need a certificate to prove you love someone.

Again, my parents feel I am disappointing them by throwing away the conventional way of doing things…how is that so? Is how I feel for Wilson not worth it? He is my kind of guy…very fun guy…who does not have a care in the world…he is just one year older than me while Niyi is like 5 years older….Wilson loves the kind of things I love….movies, cars, games…we love f*cking, making love… cos we are young…life is exciting with him….he makes me have real butterflies in my tummy,…he does not treat me like a kid whereas my parents and Niyi want to control me like a child. We plan to just have fun, travel around the world, and maybe in the future…have kids. I am just 26…I still have many years ahead of me.

Being with  Niyi is different. Niyi is too stable…I don’t just want to get married and be a wife….I want some excitement and being with Wilson is what excites me. But my mother wants me to marry quickly and start having babies because when am thirty…no man will want to marry me, like my sisters who are now in their thirties.

I think my parents are just old-fashioned and biased. Am I wrong? Don’t get me wrong, I know African parents believe in marrying a man who can take care of you but I have my own money…I don’t need a man to take care of me financially…I have a man who takes care of my emotional needs so what else do I need a man for?

Why do people not accept that being married is not the only way to live a happy and meaningful life? Isn’t being in love the most important feeling? I might change my mind in the future but right now…I just want to have fun with the man that makes me feel on top of the world.  If you were in my shoes, would you not follow your heart or do you think I am being blinded by feelings of love? Please advise me.

Anonymous

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