My Boyfriend Is Not Over His Married Ex Girlfriend-Pls Advise Me

True Life Story: My Boyfriend Is Not Over His Married Ex Girlfriend-Pls Advise Me

Hi Lively Stones,

My boyfriend and I are going through a rough patch, I think we might just call if off as it is because I think this is not working anymore. But I need your advise before I take any final decision. So, we have not been in good terms because I told him I needed some space to think after we had a huge argument about his brother’s wife who happens to be his ex girlfriend. When I met Femi, he was a very sweet guy but he was having trust issues because his girlfriend of over 2 years slept with his brother when he went for his masters in UK…the lady got pregnant and the family decided they should get married.

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Femi does not speak very well of his brother. In fact, he hardly speaks to his family because he felt betrayed by all of them. So, when we met, he was finding it hard to open up but I was able to make him open up and when he told me, I felt disgusted, like how can a woman do this to an entire family. But when I saw this woman’s picture, she is so pretty, she is like a goddess, half caste and very pretty. I understood why she can come in-between two brothers.

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What I did not bargain for, was that she will still be messing with Femi’s mind. I really thought me and Femi are going really strong but last Christmas, Femi and I met with our families because we are looking to get married this year. Meeting my family was fine and cool but when we visited Femi’s family, you could cut the tension with a knife. Only their last born made me feel really comfortable. Femi’s mom was very warm  to me too. In fact, she said to me that she has been praying for Femi to find a woman that will make him finally move on from his ex.

Femi’s mom begged me to talk to Femi to speak to his brother and let peace reign again between them. I promised to try. So after the visit to his family, I tried to talk to Femi about making peace with his brother and that was the beginning of our problems. Femi said it is over his dead body that he would make peace with his brother. He got so upset with me for bringing the matter up …he said he told me how they hurt him and instead of me to h@te his brother with him, that I want to tale sides with his family.

To be honest, I have never seen Femi so upset like this. I told him I am not taking sides but I would really want him to make peace with the past because its the past. Femi shouted never. I asked him why….that is it because he is still in love with his ex? That question made him go mad and he said I should shut up or he would beat me up. Beat me up? Where is that coming from? In our almost 19 months of dating, I never saw any sign that Femi would raise his hands against a woman.

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That made me loose my cool and told him that we should take a break from the relationship, that if he cannot prove to me that he is over his ex and brother’s wife, that I don’t think we should be seeing each other. Femi told me fine, that I can do whatever I like. Basically, that meant, we broke up. After four days, no call or text, Femi tried to call to apologize but that four days gave me time to think and I concluded that Femi is not over his ex.

I told Femi I still needed time and he was not happy about it. So we met up to talk and during the talk, Femi said why its difficult for him to forgive his brother or his ex was because, before he travelled, he used to be so close to his brother and his brother was the one he confided in when he was having issues with Nneka, his ex. He said, Nneka at the time, was a virgin and she wanted to wait till marriage and he was struggling with that decision.

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It was his brother that encouraged him to respect Nneka’s decision to wait for marriage before s3x. But it did not take Femi’s brother 3 months after he travelled for him to dis-virgin his girl. Femi found out his girl was dodging his calls when he called her from UK but he eventually figured that she was seeing someone and Femi was foolishly confiding in his brother that he was heartbroken that his girlfriend was not keeping herself for him as promised. So when everything was exposed, Femi felt so much betrayal but the brother said, it was a mistake but he and Nneka are in love.

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And there was a pregnancy involved, the family had no choice but to give their blessing. It pained Femi that the virginity that he looked forward to for so long was taken by his own brother. And after they got married and had a child, Nneka tried to get with Femi to apologize. When she saw Femi, she told him that she still loved him but Femi told her he is now with me. Nneka then told Femi that even if both of them are married to other people, that it will not stop them from seeing each other.

So Femi said the best way for him not to fall for Nneka is if he never forgives her or his brother. He said if he forgave them, then, he is afraid that he may fall again for Nneka. So you see, for Femi, its better he cuts them off completely from his life. And for me, what this tells me is that Femi is not over Nneka. The only way for me to believe Femi is over Nneka, is for him to be cool with her and his brother or is that not so? I want to quit this relationship because I don’t want to be any man’s second choice in life.

I have told Femi that its either he forgets about Nneka and make peace with his brother or we call it quits. My best friend thinks I am making a mistake but I cannot have that kind of weight on me if I am to marry Femi…my mind will always wonder about him and Nneka…if you were in my shoes, what will you do?

Anonymous

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