Japka Has Frustrated My Marriage-My Husband Has A Gay Lover

True Life Story: Japka Has Frustrated My Marriage-My Husband Has A Gay Lover

Dear Lively Stones,

I felt really bad for this man after reading his story (click here to read his story) because, I can relate first hand what this man is going through. You see, marriage is not for the faint hearted. That initial love that is shacking people has a way of evaporating after sometime. Especially if you relocate your family abroad, its like, you suddenly begin to discover something new that your spouse never showed before when you were in naija. The sexual  temptation here abroad is on a different level.

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It happened to me. I am a married woman in my early 40s. I don’t when it started but I noticed when my husband clocked 40, which was five years ago,( we had just relocated our family down to Europe), his seal for s3x began to wane. My husband was always tired. He managed to do once in a month and barely lasted 5mins when we had s3x. There is no remedy that I did not suggest to him. I suggested many things like Herbal tea, garlic, dates, etc…

However, things only seem to get got worse. I got tired of complaining cos I did not want to seem like a nagging wife. He was schooling and working, maybe the stress was really the cause. However, about a year and a half later…there was no longer anything like s3x in the marriage…we barely saw each other…when we slept on the same bed, he was passed out and snoring under 2mins.

As a good Nigerian wife, I took to prayers and fasting for many months. Until one day, I caught hubby in the toilet, I thought he was masturbating and watching p@rn. It was not just p@rn…he was face timing someone and wanking his d$ck as he did so. I screamed and ran out of the bathroom. He was shocked and came after me, saying I should calm down. Long story short, my husband said to me that since we came to Europe, he observed that he has started seeing the male gender as different and he was attracted to them.

Let me spare you the details but we talked for several hours, hubby was trying to convince me that he feels he is attracted to men now. I told him it was the devil’s work cos he is now in a country that is ridden with such lifestyle. He then opened up and told me that there is someone at his job that has feelings for him and they have been hanging out. That many of our naija men who relocated are involved in this lifestyle cos they initially get attention from these guys and later the temptation gets too much and they fall for these guys.

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For weeks, I doubled my prayers and fasting…shouting holy ghost fire for almost 3 months…. until I realized that this man, my dearest husband and father of my children was gone. He started staying out of the house to be with his lover. I became afraid he would leave me so I called him to come back home and that I would not fight him anymore. We then agreed that the children should not be told until they are old enough. Maybe when they get to 18 years. But right now, my husband and I no longer have s3x. He said I can go outside and find someone to satisfy my urges but I am not that kind of person, I would not even know how to approach a man that I am not married to, to have s3x.

I had to resort to masturbating until it became a habit that I have no control over. I cried in desperation one day to my husband….I attacked him and accused him of betraying me and leaving me s3x starved. That day, my husband suddenly got aroused and he f#cked me so hard that I thought I was going to pass out. I thought this man had recovered his senses and that our marriage had hope of restoration. But after that day, he has never touched me again. If I try to seduce him …he gets upset.

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One day, my husband offered to help me find a man that will be my hook up partner. I was disgusted.  But he said he was just trying to help since he knows I have to meet my won sexual needs too. I rejected the idea but after almost six months, I had to give in. My husband arranged for me to meet this guy in a hotel and we had s3x. I regretted it cos my conscience did not let me be after the act.

Then my husband’s gay lover suggested a threesome between us. I disliked the idea but I was like, if that is what it will take for my husband to sleep with me again, I will do it. One the day of the threesome, I was nervous and could not enjoy it much…when I saw how passionate my husband was with the guy…I cried…that was supposed to be with me…I thought of murdering the guy but I realized that wont cure my husband of his gay sickness.

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Its been almost 3 years since our lives have been turned upside down. My husband is gay…and I have turned to a chronic addict of masturbation. I never believed in divorce but it seems that is the way forward. My husband said if that is what I want, that he is fine with it. So can you imagine? I brought my family abroad for a better life but I have ended up loosing my husband…..and maybe my marriage.

Tell me…if you were in my shoes, what will you do? Should I continue to stay in this sexless marriage or divorce him? How long can I pretend?

Anonymous

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