I Suffered Terribly In My Marriage But I Don’t Know What The Future Holds

True Life Story: I Suffered Terribly In My Marriage But I Don’t Know What The Future Holds

Hello Lively Stones,

I am not very good at writing long stories so let me go straight to the point. Marriage has not been favorable to me. I have suffered terribly in my marriage but let me start like this. When I was in the polytechnic, I got pregnant for my boyfriend, Musa. We were both young and clueless with what to do with a baby. Musa was barely surviving to send himself through school cos his parents are not well to do. My parents were livid because I am the first daughter and they were not about to have a grandchild out of wedlock. Under so much pressure and confusion, I had an abortion.

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Musa and I broke up, my parents sent me to another school to finish up. Though Musa and I broke up, I never stopped loving him. Well, years past and many relationships after, I got married to Jacob. Our life is beautiful except that we have been married for eight years without any child. The sad part is that Jacob refuses to go for any fertility tests or treatments. Medically, I have been cleared. We tried to have an IVF but Jacob sperm were not also viable enough.

This situation brought alot of strain in our marriage. Jacob was cheating on me, drinking and verbally abusing me, saying my abortion years ago is the reason God has refused to bless us with a child. Yes, I told him I had an abortion years ago, I was only trying to be honest about my past. But my husband never misses an opportunity to use that to insult me. The insults gradually increased to physical abuse. This usually happens when he is drunk though. My family was worried and everyone was like, I should leave the marriage but I stayed because I was hoping to God for a miracle.

This my faith was based on many prophecies that have come that I will have my babies. I was trusting God based on this. But one day, my husband beat me and threw my things outside around 1am. I had no where to go, only my neighbor that is a bachelor came out after I had been crying on the corridor for almost 35 minutes. The other neighbors did not bother because we really do not interact with them that much. This bachelor took me in. The next morning, I called my family and they said I should start coming back but my neighbor was like, I should stay one more day to get myself before travelling because I was not ok from the beating that my husband gave me the night before.

The next day, I tried to get my things from my apartment so I can travel but my husband had locked me out. So I left without anything on me. About a month later, my husband agreed for me to come and take my things from the apartment.  I travelled back but on getting to the house, my husband was not around. He did not even pick up my calls. It got late and I wanted to go look for where to spend the night, I called the neighbor bachelor and he said ok. That night, my husband did not even return home.

My neighbor started asking me what happened between me and my husband so I narrated everything to him. He was like, why will a beautiful woman like me put up with such a bad man…I told him I don’t know but I wish we had a baby, maybe our problems would have been solved. It was then my neighbor, asked if I ever considered having s3x outside my marriage…he said alot of women do it, to save their marriages. I told him I could never do that. He said he is very sure my husband is the problem why we don’t have children.

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I could not sleep that night. I was thinking of what my neighbor said. It dawned on me that this guy could be right. So, I got up and went to him where he was sleeping….I woke him up and asked him if he would like to sleep with me…that I would like to test his theory…he was looking at me to know if I was serious…I took off my clothes and began to kiss him. He slowly began to respond and we had s3x. It was amazing…I regret saying this but I was so engrossed in it…we did it 3 times before day break. He then laughed and said, please if you get pregnant…don’t mention my name o. I laughed. I asked him how he feels after we just had s3x, he said he is not judging me cos everyone has to do whatever they need to survive in this life.

The next day, around 10am, my husband got back, I went in, took my things and left after loading them in a truck. I sent my things to my family house but weeks later, I went to Abeokuta to stay with my aunt, she is a caterer, I needed to keep my mind busy, so I went to work with her. It was while I was with her, that I noticed my period was late. I did not know what to say cos I never missed my period in eight years of marriage. It then a huge shock when I went for the pregnancy test and it came out positive. I could not tell anyone. I was afraid. Yes, after eight long years of tears and beating and praying and shame..I was finally pregnant by my neighbor…the funny thing is…the bachelor is even a part time student.

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I told my aunt what happened and she advised me to see this as a blessing from God. She thinks I should pin the pregnancy on my husband. She even says how do I know if I did not get pregnant before sleeping with the neighbor.  But my heart did not allow me do this. I refused to go back to my husband even after he heard I was pregnant. He came with his family to beg and my family wants me to go back but I told them I need time.  I have given birth to a lovely baby boy. My joy is complete but I fear going back to my husband because I cannot lie to him that this boy is his. I also do not even know how I will relate with my neighbor after this.

Since then, my husband visits us in my auntie’s place and sends us gifts and money all the time. But my conscience has been not been at rest. A few months ago, Musa my college sweetheart chatted me on Facebook. We got talking and I discovered he is divorced and I am separated. After I told him all I went through with my husband…He wants me to file for a divorce so we can be back together…he says he does not think I should go back to a man that beats me…childless or not…so right now…I am confused.

I need your advise….should I go back to my husband with a baby that is not his? Of course, he will not agree to take me back if he knows the truth….or should I just tell him the truth now…file for a divorce and start a fresh new life with Musa? Musa knows my whole story and he knows my son is not for my husband yet he still wants me. I need your advise.

Anonymous

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