I Am Tired Of My Eleven Years Of Marriage-Loneliness & Depression Want To Finish Me
True Life Story: I Am Tired Of My Eleven Years Of Marriage-Loneliness & Depression Want To Finish Me
Hello Lively Stones,
My name is Sera (not real name). I need advise: Should I file for a divorce or just continue to pretend in my marriage? I have been married for 11 years with 2 children. I got married to my husband right out of school, he was the man that took my virginity. I got carried away that a wealthy man proposed to me right out of school. I was carried away with the big wedding, cars, gifts,etc. After we got married, I got pregnant with twins. My husband told me that he does not want me to work.
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My duty was to look after the children and be a good wife to him. Being a good wife meant, look pretty for him and open my legs for s3x whenever he was horny. He never asked me one day how I feel…he never cared if I was happy or sad or anything. Yet, he is a cheat and that is where things began to get very lonely for me, just staying at home all these years just looking after the house and the children.
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Several times I tried to convince my husband to let me work or do business and he always refused. I tried to show him how to be romantic but he got upset and said he is not an English man. The cheating and the loneliness drove me into depression. Especially when I found out he has several baby mamas all around town. When I confronted him, he told me he is man and no one can tell him how he can live his life. I wanted to leave the marriage but I had no money or job, hubby made sure I relied on him 100% for anything financial. So I was stuck in the marriage.
In my desperation, I had an affair with my children’s lesson teacher. The affair lasted almost six months until I got pregnant. Out of fear, I had an abortion and I ended the relationship. After ending the affair, the depression came back. I was lonely again. I attempted to end my life several times but only the thought of my children being motherless kept me alive.
With the pressure of family members, my husband was convinced to send me and the children abroad. We relocated to Canada 2 years ago. Living in Canada was even lonelier because I still am not allowed to work. My husband sends us money for everything we need. I am only allowed to go to school where I met someone who I have been having seeing for the last eight months. For the first time in my eleven years of marriage, I am happy. My lover makes me feel alive…having someone who talks to you about everything and allows you to dream big is everything.
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I want to divorce my husband. The love is no longer there…he comes to visit us from time to time but we dont have anything to talk about except the kids. Clearly, the marriage feels like a contract…just to be his wife and bear his children. My husband is not emotional, at least, not to me. He has never said I love you one day in this marriage. He provides yes but does not love. I have felt like I have been imprisoned for many years.
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My only problem with the idea of divorce is that people are going to say I betrayed him after he sent us abroad but no one is seeing that the marriage is not working out…my family wants me to stay and persevere…yes, they are enjoying the money from my husband ..me too….I admit, it was my fault…I never thought I would want love more than money….I was also carried away by money even though I knew this man never loved me and ..back home in Nigeria, I could never summon the courage to divorce cos my husband would do anything possible to stop it…including taking my children away from me.
Right now, I want to free myself from this prison. Money is no longer enough….I need a man to love me and there is a guy in my life…I also want to work….I will get a job soon as I complete my program. I am tired of pretending in this marriage. It is no longer healthy for me. Is it not better to go our separate ways so everyone can be really happy with how they choose to live their lives?
I wish I did not resort to this. I know many African marriages where love is not present. Some of my friends and even husband friends have what we call trophy wives…I know the women are cheating or at least using s3x tools to satisfy their intimacy needs but for me, it is not enough…. I was young and materialistic when I got married…but happiness eluded me ever since. My family will not support my decision to divorce but tell me, do you see another way out for me or my husband? I know I may receive alot of backlash…but what else can I do? Have I not suffered enough?
Anonymous
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