I Am Desperate To Find True Love After Five Abortions & Betrayals

True Life Story: I Am Desperate To Find True Love After Five Abortions & Betrayals

Dear Lively Stones,

I shared my story of what happened to me two years ago. Please click here to read my story. I want to thank Madam Jzhane and everyone for their advice and support through that trying period of my life. I will not lie, those were the most difficult times of my life. I swear, I was almost giving up. Eventually, I made a decision and got rid of the pregnancy. I know some people might be judging me but I could not bear to have a child from someone who put me through so much. Since that time, it’s like finding true love has been impossible.

I also got rid of the pregnancy for his girlfriend’s sake but guess what, the girl sha did not even marry him. She called off the wedding just days before the wedding. I heard another girl come forward that she was pregnant for him. That my ex is a dog. And God will punish him. How he put all these ladies through so much pain. I mean, after the whole ordeal, I found it hard to move on. People were talking about me…I was a national embarrassment.

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Any guy around me, people would scare them away, telling them how I had five abortions for another man who dumped me. I could not sleep. At my age, I was getting worried that no one would marry me because of the issue I had with my ex. Only married men were coming for me, I was damaged and also out of a job, so I needed money and love. My family is not doing well financially …my parents are struggling and looking up to me as their first daughter to get married and support them too.

After staying without a job for months upon months, I had no choice but to get into the hook-up business. It was rough at first but eventually, it paid off….I got an apartment of my own and was living my life the way I wanted. I convinced myself that the only way I could make it was to forget about love and focus on hustling. Well, I did that…slept with many men to survive. My life was hard and full of sadness. I became depressed, I was feeling dirty about my lifestyle.

So, one day, I woke up and decided to go to church. I was welcomed very warmly by the church members. They later sent some people to come and visit me afterward. That was how I met Edward (not my real name). Edward was accompanied by another lady, they visited me and kept encouraging me to be coming to church. I was still doing hook up to survive but I was going to church to ask for forgiveness every time. I told the church people that I work in a hotel as a waitress, so I was always on night duty.

Somehow, Edward discovered what I was doing for a living and he started trying to make me find another job. He found me a job as an Office Assistant. As Edward was so nice to me, I started developing feelings for him. He is the only guy who looks at me like I am a human being worthy of being loved. I have been hiding my feelings for him but a few months later, Edward told me he had feelings for me that he was in love with me.

It was not hard to fall for Edward. I mean, many girls in that church had a crush on him from what I can see. He is a very handsome and nice guy. He is an Engineer…and very committed to church things. He said he was formerly engaged to someone who was very committed in church but the lady got pregnant for a married man and they had to call off his wedding. I told a little about me and my ex but I did not tell him I had five abortions. We bonded over our exs dumping us….before long…we started kissing and he stopped himself halfway cos you know….he said it was a sin.

Every time he is around me, he says he can’t control himself. I too was losing control. Edward is the best man ever…we tried to remain holy…I swear, we tried…but we eventually had s3x and he was so upset at himself. He apologized for sleeping with me but I told him its ok. He said he needed some time and space away from me, so he could fully repent and so he has not been talking to me for the past few months. I feel so lost without him in my life. He avoids me like a plague. I think it’s not just because we had S3x but because he had S3x with someone who is a former hook-up girl.

Please I need your advice. I am in love with Edward, I want to do anything to make him love me back. He is the kind of man I have always dreamed of. I told a friend of mine who is also into the hook-up business. She advised me to use jazz on Edward to fall in love with me. A lot of hook-up girls use this jazz to make married men fall in love with them, forget their wives, and spend all their money on hook-up girls.

I don’t want to use that jazz on Edward because I know that jazz is very powerful and it will make Edward work on me. It has worked on many men, even so-called pastors or prophets. Only those who have never had S3x with a hook-up girl that this jazz will not affect. Edward has slept with me so it must work on him. My fear is, that Edward may never look at me again…maybe he is thinking I am not good enough for him. Edward is someone I need in my life. I changed because of him. I need him to see me as a changed person and give me a chance.

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Edward does not know half of what I have been through but I know God brought him to give me another chance…but my problem is now how do I convince Edward…I don’t know how to win him…is jazz the only way? I mean, it’s not bad if you are in love with someone…I will not be jazzing him for his money…he is single, so it’s not to draw him away from his wife… It’s to make him fall in love with me…I know he is in love with me…he is just feeling bad that he slept with me as a church member he is trying to help, I have tried to call him but he’s not going through.

What should I do? Age is not on my side. I gave up on love once…I cannot face another betrayal anymore. I will not be able to make it…or maybe truly love is not for me…if I don’t get Edward, I will face hookup full time and no going back. Maybe eventually use the jazz on a man who will take care of me so I will no longer think of Edward.

But Edward is my one true love…I need him to hear my heart and give me a chance. If only he can talk to me but he is avoiding me. Who should I ask to help me talk to him? Should I go and talk to our pastor? But maybe Edward may not like that…I don’t think he wants church people to know we had a relationship or affair….I don’t know.

Please please advise me. I know I have made bad decisions in the past, but I believe Edward is my only way to make right, Why else would I find him in church, and fall in love after I swear never to fall for any other man….what if I lose him…I might not be able to make it right anymore. Help please, I am desperate.

Anonymous

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