How Guilt Has Consumed Me Because I Deceived My New Wife

True Life Story: How Guilt Has Consumed Me Because I Deceived My New Wife

Hi Lively Stones,

Please advise me because I am currently dealing with guilt. I am overwhelmed by guilt of deceiving my newly wedded wife but despite the guilt, I am unable to stop what I am doing to betray her. I never ever saw myself to be the kind of husband I am today but it appears I am in love with another lady but I found myself married to another. My wife does not deserve this kind of treatment from me. But it is really not my intention, I deceived myself and now, I have ended up deceiving my wife that I loved her. I met my wife about two years ago, she was someone that I felt peace with through out the relationship.

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Our relationship was cordial if I must say….I wanted a simple woman to marry. My thinking was; I have played around for a long time, with alot of slay queens and now its time to settle down, I want someone who may not be all that flashy but will make a good home. I found that decision a peaceful one for me. I met my wife through my sister, she introduced her as a very good girl and indeed, she is a good girl. But in truth, my wife was not really my spec. In terms of beauty or class, she is really below my spec but I did not consider that cos I wanted wife material.

However, I got a job with one of my dream companies, one of the big fours actually. And working with such professionals meant meeting and mixing more and more with the wealthy, the hot, s3xy and intelligent people in the industry and the world. Then my boss at the time was going through a very nasty divorce. My boss is a 37 year old high class lady. She got married to some Technocrat but their marriage had so much problems that they got divorced and they have been battling custody of their son ever since.

My boss and I work together alot and I am one of her brightest team member, she is always requesting my imput and sometimes we talk and travel alot. A couple of times she had flirted with me but she kept saying she and I cannot be in a relationship because of work and my fiance whom I told her about then. However, in January, when I informed her that I was taking some days off for leave, to go prepare for my wedding….my boss (lets call her Mercy) started being aggressive in her flirting with me.

Things got really heated…I had to ask her why she was doing all these after all she said before, she said she just wanted to express herself before I get married cos she feels she can’t do that after I get married. She was making moves at me at any opportunity and she is really a very s3xy lady. I thought to myself…no harm in playing around one last time before I get married…so I allowed myself to fall for her…Mercy and I started having s3x with each other almost everyday, just days to my wedding.

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I kept telling myself that all these will stop after the wedding. My wedding was on the 17th of February 2024. S3x with my bride on my wedding night was a mess…she is inexperienced and very emotional and I was very disappointed. Infact, I cut short my honeymoon cos I could not wait to get back to Mercy to f#ck her the way that I liked. I know this behavior of mine is despicable. I am ashamed of myself. I tell myself everyday that I need to end things with Mercy but we both seem unable to keep our hands to ourselves.

The fact is…I have realized that I was kidding when I thought I could marry a lesser class woman for the purpose of just having peace of mind. Right now, peace is not my priority. I want the excitement and the fun and danger that f#cking Mercy brings. It basically feels like a force of adrenaline that I need to function. And boy, being with Mercy makes me so alive but when I come home to my wife…I feel miserable and she feels like a stranger to me. My wife has started asking me what is wrong, she is feeling that we are not connecting and I am so sorry but I think I made a terrible mistake by marrying her.

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Or maybe its the s3x that is the terrible mistake…yes, It is but I look at my wife…I can’t even get an erection when she is naked in front of me…but once I sight Mercy from a distance…my heart starts racing…I can’t wait for the end of work so I can do what I want to do with her.  The thought of apologizing to my wife has crossed my wife….apologize to her and get a divorce….but the very thought of that would be too much of a betrayal I know…she did nothing wrong…she will never forgive me…my sister too that introduced her to me will never forgive me…our families will never forgive me.

Don’t get me wrong…its not all about s3x with Mercy. Its the time we spend…its the conversations we have…we vibe…we are in the same world…have the same ambitions…same drive…same taste…same passion…we have become friends over the years…we have each others back. We know each other’s deep secrets and desires…how did I convince myself to marry someone else apart from Mercy? Mercy is to blame cos she told me we couldn’t date at first,..but now…we are literally two peas in a pod. I wish Mercy gave me the green light earlier…I would not have deceived myself or my wife.

I am in deep sh*t. I need your advice…what do I do….a friend of mine that I confided in, advised me to share my story on Lively Stones. He believes that my marriage can still work…I don’t see how because I realized that I married for the wrong reason, and I cannot be myself around my wife…I feel being with Mercy is how I am being my real and true self…I realized it to late…on my wedding day, I almost backed out but I did not want to embarrass my family and her family…I did not want to create a scandal… but here I am now…stuck and unhappy …feeling guilty and confused…so I am open to any advice.

Anonymous

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