England chasing 299 to beat New Zealand: second Test, day five – live! | England v New Zealand 2022

“I spent a marvellous, albeit cricket free, summer working in the Black Forest many years ago,” says David Martin. Very Guardian! “Kummerspeck was a term used for the food that you eat when you feel sad. I think a literal translation would be ‘Grief Bacon’. Perhaps an ominous email to send.” We can take it.

“Thanks for the excellent coverage as always,” says James Taylor. Too kind! “It’s remarkable how much tension you can feel just reading the description of events. This couldn’t turn into the Stokes and Leach show again? Could it?” It could. But that may be underestimating Bairstow…

“On this display,” says Neil Jones, “Southee would struggle to get a pro’s job in the league I played in, and the off-spinner is feeding a reverse sweep. Easy pickings against a very feeble attack. England to win this at a canter.”

Is this a rare sighting: a spot of English over-confidence?

“Just as we’ve got used to the idea of Branderson,” says John Starbuck, “can we float the possibility of Bairstokes?”

“Afternoon de Lisle, afternoon everybody,” says Josh Robinson. “I was struck by how you wrote about the need of this pair to put on a hundred, rather than bat until (say) an hour after tea. And I think you’re right, in that runs are key to the dynamic of the game: what I love about this kind of match situation is how a purely defensive mentality of blocking is generally not the best strategy, as it lets the fielding captain keep the pressure on for longer.

“Best wishes from Philadelphia btw, where I saw a great game between the Phillies and the Marlins last night.” Nice one.

34th over: England 139-4 (Bairstow 43, Stokes 25) Target 299 Stokes is even looking to attack Boult, the best bowler in the match. He tries to drive a yorker, one-handed, but can’t beat the fielder at mid-on. Then there’s a bouncer, which Stokes treats with a respectful sway. Another yorker, well dug out, though it leaves Stokes wincing as it jars his left thumb. He leaves the last ball, showing that he does occasionally see discretion as the better part of valour. This is a great contest: two champions, going eye to eye.

And that’s tea, with England needing another 160 off 38 overs. If these two stay together for half that, they should win; if not, NZ will surely square the series.

“WinViz is missing something,” says Simon Gates. “We must have a decent chance of a tie…” Ha.

33rd over: England 138-4 (Bairstow 42, Stokes 25) Target 299 Bracewell is taken off, in a minor triumph for Stokes. Back comes Matt Henry, who, like Boult, hasn’t had a decent rest. If they were footballers, they’d be in the red zone for injuries. Henry, who was immense earlier, has an LBW shout against Stokes, but he’s forgotten that the ball isn’t allowed to pitch outside leg. Latham reviews, ridiculously (it’s also too high). Are the Kiwis getting rattled? If so, Stokes rubs it in by giving Henry the charge and hitting an off-drive that’s more of an off-blast. Four more! Even WinViz now gives England 30pc.

32nd over: England 131-4 (Bairstow 40, Stokes 21) Target 299 Boult returns, manfully, as he hasn’t had a long rest. He almost makes the difference, luring Bairstow into a loose cut that would be a chance if there was a second slip. Instead it goes for four, and Bairstow, unbowed, cover-drives the next ball for an airy two. That’s Jos Buttler’s shot!

And with that, this becomes the highest-scoring Test ever held at Trent Bridge. We’ve had 1504 runs off 390 overs, which is more, apparently, than any of the previous 64 Tests here, going back to 1899. History has been made.

There’s then a delay while the ball is changed. This Test has surely broken records in that department too. Bairstow and Stokes add three singles, so the runs continue to flow. Although NZ remain the favourites, England’s aggression is making it devilishly hard for Tom Latham to set a field.

31st over: England 122-4 (Bairstow 32, Stokes 20) Target 299 Stokes pulls Bracewell to long-on for a single, Bairstow reverse-sweeps for another single, and then Stokes pulls for four to deep midwicket. They’re making it look so easy that a calamity must be just around the corner.

England need another 177 off 41 overs. Latest percentages from WinViz: draw 46pc, NZ 35, England 19.

30th over: England 116-4 (Bairstow 31, Stokes 15) Target 299 While Stokes deals in boundaries, Bairstow just loves running. He cuts Southee to third man for three, then flicks to long leg for two. The partnership is already 23 off 28 balls.

I’ve barely had time to look at my email, sorry, but here’s one from Ruth Purdue. “I have a question.” she says. “Why are spinners allowed to lick their bowling fingers and then touch the ball? I thought that wasn’t allowed anymore? Or are the rules only about saliva directly onto the ball?” Ah – I’m not sure. Is there an umpire in the house?

29th over: England 110-4 (Bairstow 25, Stokes 15) Target 299 Stokes is playing less like a Test captain, more like a man with a train to catch. He reverse-sweeps Bracewell for four, then does it again! In the greatest performance of his Test career, he started off very sedately. Not today.

28th over: England 101-4 (Bairstow 24, Stokes 7) Target 299 Scrap that! Stokes gives Southee the charge and blasts him for a straight six. Something tells me England are not playing for a draw here.

Southee’s response is to produce a fierce lifter, jagging away, which he thinks has taken the glove, but neither the umpire nor his captain is convinced. UltraEdge shows nothing at all.

The required rate is still 4.5, but it’s all about how long this partnership can last.

27th over: England 95-4 (Bairstow 24, Stokes 1) Target 299 Stokes has to play himself in against Bracewell, the man who got him out on Sunday, when Stokes played possibly the most supercharged innings ever attempted by an England captain. Calmer now, he gets off the mark with a back-foot push to long-on. England need another 204 off 45 overs.

26th over: England 93-4 (Bairstow 23, Stokes 0) Target 299 That’s a big moment for Tim Southee, who, until just now, had none for 187 in the match – and had just been steered for three by Bairstow. So England are down to their last pair of top-order batsmen, with just Foakes and a long tail to come. If these two don’t put on at least 100, England are stuffed.

The pendulum swings again! Just as these two are getting on top, Southee gets the ball to hold its line outside off and Lees gets a regulation nick. Three chapters and you’re out.

25th over: England 90-3 (Lees 44, Bairstow 20) Target 299 Lees is already into the third chapter of his innings. He set off like a dervish (29 off 24 balls), then went into his shell (1 off 28), and has now emerged again. To prove it, he dances down the track to Bracewell and lofts him for six! No other scoring shot needed.

24th over: England 84-3 (Lees 38, Bairstow 20) Target 299 Bairstow, facing Southee, plays a beautiful shot first ball, an on-drive of the highest class. Are you Greg Chappell in disguise? That takes Bairstow to 17, his highest score of the series. Lees then flirts with disaster by under-edging close to his stumps, but Bairstow is confident enough to open the face and pick up two past gully. Eight off the over!

Trent Boult is going off the field, possibly to have a word with Jamieson. “Mate, you’ve got to come out here, chase after a ball to the rope, get a bang on the head, then we can replace you with Wagner.”

23rd over: England 76-3 (Lees 37, Bairstow 13) Target 299 Tom Latham turns to spin for the first time today. It’s Michael Bracewell, the 31-year-old beginner who has looked so comfortable with both bat and ball. There are singles on offer and both batters take one, but Bracewell, unfazed as usual, manages four dots.

Thanks Daniel and afternoon everyone. WinViz is ever more convinced that this is going to be a draw, but then WinViz has been your grumpy uncle for some time now. In my book NZ are the favourites, simply because they’ve got rid of Joe Root. England need 225 more off 50 overs at a rate of exactly 4.5, so they’re in with a shout – and NZ are a bowler down with Kyle Jamieson injured. Don’t go anywhere!

21st over: England 74-3 (Lees 36, Bairstow 12) Target 299 Bairstow whacks two to cover, then drives down the ground and Southee parries, breaking the stumps; Lees does well to be in his ground. I think, at some point in the next hour, England will need to make a call, because New Zealand’s two best bowlers are grazing and the run rate needs addressing; dare they throw hands?

“Spanish has two words for corners,” says Tom Morgan. “Rincón is one as seen from the inside, esquina as seen from outside. No word for punctuality though.”

On whch point, rincón or esquine, have England turned it? To find out, stick with Tim de Lisle, who’ll coax you through what promises to be a sensational afternoon and evening. Ta-ra!

21st over: England 72-3 (Lees 36, Bairstow 10) Target 299 Lees plays out a maiden from Henry, presumably aware that his spell is nearly over and easier pickings are – theoretically – en route.

20th over: England 72-3 (Lees 36, Bairstow 10) Target 299 Boult has a rest with Southee returning, and I wonder whether England will have a go at him. Well, not yet – Lees takes a single to leg, then Bairstow misses the kind of wide one he routinely clatters in limited overs before partially redeeming the situation with a drive to cover that yields two.

“Can I propose a new definition for hiraeth?” asks Aeddan Shaw. “A longing for a Test no5 that isn’t YJB? On the untranslatable terms front, can I propose tingo, a Pascuenese term which means to borrow things from your neighbour one by one until they have nothing left?”

I’d love to know how that word came to be.

19th over: England 69-3 (Lees 35, Bairstow 8) Target 299 Alex Lees is in the house! He goes deep in the crease then, as the ball arrives, drops the bat in a dead straight parabola, knucking it to the fence with what looks like the minimum of effort. That’s lovely behaviour, a single through third man follows, and we’re at that point where every over feels like a devastating momentum shift.

“Finnish has the word ‘sisu’,” emails Bob O’Hara,” which I roughly translate as ‘sheer bloody mindedness’. It’s what they showed against the USSR in the Winter War (see also: Ukraine’s fight against Russia, or on a cricketing theme Brian Close vs Windies). On the road between Helsinki and Tvärminne there are signposts to the Sisu arena. I was always too scared to go visit.”

As someone who grew up on the exploits of Jón Páll Sigmarsson, I feel I have some grasp on what this means.

18th over: England 64-3 (Lees 30, Bairstow 8) Target 299 After the pre-lunch fireworks, Lees hasn’t scored in the 45 minutes since, but it’s Bairstow on strike for Boult’s ninth over, and after looking at three balls he caresses the fourth under extra’s dive and to the fence. Thing is, this isn’t the situation for a breezy 40 – someone will need to make something sub sub sub sub substantial – but maybe he can cash in when the bowlers change.

17th over: England 60-3 (Lees 30, Bairstow 4) Target 299 Bairstow forces to cover for two, then edges into the pads – eesh, that was not at all far from the stumps, and also reversed. This is such an opportunity for Bairstow who will, no doubt, be nurturing some kind of resentment or other, and I’d love it to be him, if it’s anyone, who sees England home. There’s something so lovable about him that tells me he’s the absolute best mate anyone could have.

“Technically from an early version of the English language rather than a foreign language,” writes David Hopkins, “but Anglo Saxon poetry has a lovely word – uhtceare – which has no equivalent in the modern day but translates roughly as ‘the sorrow felt in the hour before the dawn’. It features in the poem The Wife’s Lament but was clearly intended to prefigure the emotions of listening to TMS during an overseas Ashes series.”

I love that – I think it’s the case that it’s in that hour most people die, but I might’ve heard it on He-Man or similar.

16th over: England 57-3 (Lees 30, Bairstow 1) Target 299 It’s hard not to see that as the crucial blow, and what a day Boult is having. I know he’s a special bowler, but the ability to compete so hard with such pleasure strikes me as his special power. Bairstow gets away with an inside-edge to fine leg, and this match has a very different feel to it now – but at some point, Bolt and Henry will go off, and maybe that is England’s chance, if they can survive that long.

“Afternoon Daniel,” begins Nicholas Etherton. “If you want wistful nostalgic longing, all wrapped up in seven and a half sumptuous minutes, then listen no further than Tom Jobim’s masterful Saudade do Brasil.”

S-I-L-E-N-C-E! Root looks to turn a three-quarter seamer around the corner, imparts a leading edge instead as the ball moves away, and Boult dives forward to pouch! Trent Boult is a champion!

15th over: England 56-2 (Lees 30, Root 3) Target 299 Root defends his first ball then decides he’s seen enough, twizzling to deep midwicket for three. He is in perfect equilibrium.

Henry finds a jaffa! He’s been into this innings from before lunch, and a smidge of away movement is enough to leave Pope squared, brushing his outside edge on the way through to the keeper. We all sit just a little further away from the backs of our seats, just a little more hunched.

15th over: England 53-1 (Lees 30, Pope 18) Target 299 Pope sees away three dots, the first only just – he just about gets edge on ball to prevent the lbw…

“Best example of saudade,” tweets Peter Warne, “is Baden Powell (his real name, his father was an admirer), Manhã do Carnaval by Luiz Bonfá, excuse the fag.”

14th over: England 53-1 (Lees 30, Pope 18) Target 299 Now it’s Pope commandeering the chase, and when Boult offers him width, he waits, opens the face, and back-cuts an expert’s shot to third man for four. Then, when he knocks to cover, he sets off but Lees doesn’t respond; Pope well and truly looks at him, irritation I don’t think he’d have expressed had he not scored so well in the first innings – he’s been given a spot, he’s embraced his chance, and now he feels like he belongs. A single follows, and with these two are both set, I’m announcing it to remove the reverse-bok from the equation/

13th over: England 48-1 (Lees 30, Pope 13) Target 299 Lees hasn’t scored since lunch, and he plays out what could become an invaluable a maiden from Henry.

“There is a word in Turkish, ‘canim’,” says Phil Keegan, |which is not untranslatable but rather has a multitude of possible translations depending on who you say it to. It is a term of endearment along the lines of ‘darling’ but it can be said to anyone you like or love. So it can be translated, depending on context, as darling, love, mate, dear, sweetie, old friend, sweetheart, dear old thing, buddy, honeybunch – you get the picture. It can be said to a husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/any friend/any family member/a colleague you like and pretty much all children and pets. It is a remarkably flexible word.”

It sounds to me like the exact thing you call someone who gets road rage with you.