How I Allowed Family Pressure To Rip Me Of Marital Happiness
True Life Story : How I Allowed Family Pressure To Rip Me Of Marital Happiness
Dear Lively Stones,
Please hide my identity. I am a finished man who allowed family pressure to ruin my life. I need advise. I was in a relationship with a lady from middle belt. She was everything I wanted in a wife and I introduced her to my family. Due to some unfounded history my family had with a late Uncle’s wife from the same middle belt, the whole family kicked against me marrying someone from the middle belt again. I tried my best for them to accept her but they warned me that if I go ahead to marry her, that a spiritualist has said that I will die before I am 40 and the woman will be the one behind my death.
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After everything, I had to break up with this lady cos the pressure was too much. What broke my heart was that, the lady told me she was pregnant but because of my family, I told her to abort the pregnancy. I gave her money for it. Thereafter, my elder sister’s husband introduced me to a girl from his village. They spoke highly of the girl and since I was just desperate to marry before I am 40 years old ( I was 38 years at the time), I married this girl.
The girl they made me marry was nothing but a disaster. From the day she moved into my house, she was trouble. She is lazy and dirty. I had to hire a maid to help cos she got pregnant not long after the marriage and became even more lazier. There was no peace in the house. This girl that is just 25 years old disrespected me at the slightest opportunity. I reported her to my inlaw and they all told me to be patient. That its because I am older, that she is young and will soon be more mature as a wife with time.
I found out that this girl was forced by her people to marry me, so she was just rebelling. She never liked me or tried to love me. So, it was a case of two people who were forced into marriage by their families. We fought and quarreled everyday. People advised me to ignore her, that a man cannot be fighting his wife every day. So, for peace sake, I focused on women outside. I must confess, I even started having s3x with our maid cos my wife began to deny me s3x and I felt I should punish her for that by sleeping with the maid.
When she found out, she reported me to my family and a family meeting was called, the family advised us to stop fighting and give the marriage a chance. I promised to stop cheating if she treated me with respect and she promised to do so. So we both started trying to be kind to each other and the marriage became a bit bearable. Truth is, I could not bring myself to love my wife even after everything.
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Matters took a different turn when that lady from middle belt sent me a picture of a little boy she aid is my son. She did not carry out the abortion. She said she does not want anything from me, just for me to know I have a son. She got admission to study abroad and she is taking the boy with her. I called her and went to see her. When I saw my son, I broke down and cried. I realized I was a fool to have not married this woman. My son is my exact carbon copy.
Its been four years and I am 42….this woman is 36 years old. I still love her and want to marry her…I do not want to loose her a second time…but she said she does not want to come in-between my marriage. But my marriage is like a prison. My wife and I just tolerate each other…no love…we don’t gist…we don’t do anything as husband and wife….s3x is just mechanical. No feelings. I told my wife what happened, that I have a son and want to win the mother’s heart back, she started begging me not to divorce her.
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That is my dilemma now. I wish I bever allowed my family dictate for me. I have 2 children …girls with my wife (my wife even sent my daughter that is barely 3 years old, to beg me not to leave their mother) but my ex whom I am very much in love with, has a son for me. She wants nothing from me and I am at the stage of loosing her and my son cos she does not want to destroy my marriage. I feel I should ignore my wife’s begging and for once, choose myself…I deserve to be happy for once in my life. I am done with those trying to black mail my life.
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I yielded to their pressure and married the wrong woman. Now, she is begging me not to divorce her…not because we are in love…but because she wants the security that comes from being called a married woman. I can’t. Please advise me. My ex is travelling in October. I have to make a decision….surely, if I don’t divorce my wife….I will remain unhappy for the rest of my life. Even my family is regretting this my marriage…they don’t like my wife too…they also admitted they lied about the spiritual reason they gave me to leave my ex…they said it was just to prevent me from marrying a woman from the middle belt…so right now, they have said I can do whatever I like.
Its only my elder sister and her husband who recommended my wife that are saying that I should not divorce her, that marriage is for better or worse. That my wife will get better with time. My in-law even advised me to keep my ex as a mistress….that its better than filing for divorce. The issue is, my ex does not want to be my side chick…its either I am a single man or nothing. I know she loves me, that is why she kept our child. She said she wanted a reminder of the love we once shared. I have begged her to give me to resolve this and she says she cannot wait beyond October.
Please advise me…what should I do…help me make a decision that will be the best for me. I have not been able to sleep well or have rest of mind for over four years now. I am finished.
Anonymous
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