My Fiancé Shocked Me With His Demand For Pre-Nup
True Life Story: My Fiancé Shocked Me With His Demand For Pre-Nup
Dear Lively Stones,
Please how do you feel about prenups? I am a typical girl who believes that marriage is sacred and it’s forever. Currently, I live in the UK but my fiancé is in Nigeria. We are both medical doctors. We have been dating for many years, from when we both worked in a teaching hospital in Lagos. We got engaged and did our marriage introductions according to Yoruba tradition.
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Then I got my papers and traveled to the UK. The plan is for my fiancé to join me as soon as possible. His papers are already in process. Then one day, we were just gisting normally and talking about how modern marriages especially celebrity marriages now require pre-nups as a must before marriage.
Out of nowhere, my fiancé said he also believes in prenup and that we too should get a pre-nup. I was shocked cos all through our dating, which is almost five years, he never mentioned something like this. To me, a prenup is like already setting your marriage for failure. Yes, that is my belief. Europeans and Americans do it but not us as Africans. So, I told him, no I would never agree to that.
My fiancé was quiet and said that would be a problem if I refused. I asked him how, and he said, maybe we should then reconsider our marriage plans because it’s like both of us have different ideas on the matter. Can you believe what this man is saying? To be honest, some of my friends say it’s a good idea because, if there is ever a breakup of the marriage, I, as the woman will get a fair share of our assets, etc.
That is my fear, why are we even talking about breaking up for a marriage that has not even started? Is my man foreseeing a future breakup? This scares me cos I believe marriage is forever….no divorce….my fiancé says he knows but with the way women of these days behave, with all that feminism crap, even though we love each other, both of us living in the UK, maybe things might change and he does not want to risk everything he has worked for to divorce if it happens.
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This whole crap that when Nigerians Japa, their wives will change and all that is the reason he is talking like this…but for God’s sake, why won’t he trust me? I know he knows am not the materialistic type. And why will he think we will ever divorce?
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I love my fiancé to the moon and this mindset worries me. Even after I have tried to convince him that we don’t need a prenup and that we will never divorce, he says he will not go ahead with the marriage if I refuse a prenup. I am confused upset and afraid. I feel betrayed. I have not spoken to my fiancé for two days. He’s been calling and I only texted him why is he calling if he does not agree with me? He just texted …ok.
I have spoken to a few of our close friends about this…they have talked to my fiance…he is telling them that my refusal for pre-nup is showing that I have ulterior motives…he says if I am so sure that we will never divorce, then I should not be afraid of a pre-up….what kind of talk is that? Does he not know that the power of the tongue is strong…even if we both don’t believe in break up and yet we sign prenup….are we not giving that power over our marriage someday?
Please, what do you people think? Do you agree with prenup? Or do you agree with me that it’s an assurance of the failure of any marriage? Should I just sign and believe we will never need it in the future? Please, let me know what you think and what I should do.
Thank you.
Anonymous
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