7 Things to Consider When You Argue Constantly in Your Relationship
When you and your partner argue constantly, it often isn’t about the specific issue at hand but about deeper, underlying problems.
In my marriage, I’ve noticed that once the argument ends, the actual trigger seems minor compared to the intensity of the disagreement.
It’s surprising how often a few well-chosen words could have prevented the argument altogether.
Reflect on your own experiences.
How many times have you found yourself in a heated argument over something small?
Maybe it was about leaving the dishes in the sink or forgetting to run an errand.
At the moment, it feels like a big deal, but later, you realize it wasn’t worth the stress and anger.
These constant arguments can wear you down and create a negative atmosphere in your relationship.
Other posts in the relationship arguments series:
So, what changes did I make, and what have I learned to do differently?
1. Revisit Your Values Together
We’re all in relationships for a reason, and whatever these reasons are, we can often get along if we compromise together.
But I’ve found out that it’s possible to lose touch with these same values for which we’re together.
So, what’s important to you both? Are these values still valid enough to keep you both together?
Taking time to discuss and reflect on these values can help you reconnect and understand each other better.
This process allows you to see if your current actions and decisions align with what initially brought you together.
It’s about finding common ground and ensuring that your relationship has a solid foundation.
As you peel back all the pages and revisit your values together, you can have a better definition of what should stick you both together and remove anything not necessary.
This way, you’ve narrowed down the important things and let everything else out of the window, as the extra things might be the cause of the friction.
2. Clear Any Unresolved Personal Issues
While revisiting your values is important, I’ve also found that personal issues can fuel constant arguments.
These issues can be anything, and sometimes they are things you can’t share yet or don’t know how to relate to your partner.
It’s more heartbreaking when you can’t share your issues with your partner because you’re afraid they’ll judge you or use them against you.
Sadly, you often end up taking out your frustrations on your partner, even though they are not the cause of your pain.
These unresolved issues create tension and misunderstandings, leading to more frequent and intense arguments.
Sit back and check if anything bothers you.
Clear the air about these issues, and you will be able to reduce the frequency of your arguments.
Once this is done, you will have a calmer and more understanding environment in your relationship.
3. Improve Your Communication Skills
How we say things often causes heated arguments beyond the issues themselves.
For instance, saying “You never listen to me” can feel like an attack, while “I feel unheard when this happens” focuses on your feelings without blaming your partner.
Similarly, instead of saying “You always make a mess,” saying “I need more help keeping things tidy” invites cooperation rather than confrontation.
Your words can inadvertently carry more weight than the issue itself.
When you use the wrong words, they can quickly escalate the situation, making the disagreement seem much bigger than it is.
This often leads to more arguments and misunderstandings.
Communication has two sides: talking and listening.
Both are crucial for effective communication.
Your response, reaction, or inaction all indicate how well you communicate.
Check these aspects to ensure you are conveying your message properly and understanding your partner.
Active listening is also a key part of good communication.
This means truly focusing on what your partner is saying without interrupting or planning your response while they speak.
Show that you are listening by nodding, making eye contact, and providing feedback like summarizing what they said to confirm your understanding.
Pay attention to your tone, choice of words, and body language.
Communicate your feelings and needs clearly and respectfully.
Avoid using accusatory or negative language that can put your partner on the defensive.
Instead, use “I” statements to express how you feel and what you need.
When you improve both how you talk and how you listen, you can easily resolve issues more effectively and reduce the frequency of arguments.
Improvements in your communication skills help create a more harmonious and understanding relationship.
4. Do More to Attack the Issue and Not the Person
To you, this is just another issue. And it should be treated as such.
Unsuspectingly, you’ve attacked your partner’s personality during the disagreement.
You might say things like, “This is how you always do things” or “This is the same thing we keep talking about.”
When you tie your partner’s personality to the issue this way, it’s no surprise that you spend days or weeks on something you could resolve in minutes.
No one likes to be dragged into personal attacks, you won’t agree less.
Next time you have an issue, try your best to focus on the problem and not the person.
Ensure mutual respect in all interactions.
Keeping the focus on solving the problem rather than criticizing your partner will help you create a more constructive and less defensive environment.
Trust me, you will have more success with this approach.
5. Take a Break From the Issues
When we face a pressing issue, we often want to use every mental resource to solve it.
We spend days trying to piece everything together and find a resolution, but instead of shrinking, the issue seems to escalate.
This constant focus can stress us beyond measure, affecting everything we hold dear, from work to personal peace, yet we find it hard to stop.
Another piece of advice is to take your mind off the issue for a while.
Spend quality time together, and show appreciation and gratitude for the good things your relationship has brought.
Reminisce on the good days and enjoy those memories together.
If you feel there are no good old days or you haven’t created enough memories, you can still find ways to relax.
Take some moments to cool off your head. Try to reduce the tension and see if that helps.
A relaxed mind will be more willing to engage and resolve matters effectively.
7. Seek Help if Needed
I’ve seen that no matter how wise we are, sometimes we need input from others during tough times.
In my marriage, there are times when my wife and I are both right.
To me, both partners being right is one of the worst things for a relationship.
Our opinions are valid, but one of us needs to let the other win sometimes.
The help you need might be learning to compromise or helping your partner do the same when both of you are right.
Some say to keep away from third-party influence, but if you can take advice from people on business and your career, nothing should stop you from taking advice for your relationship or marriage.
Seeking help is not a sign of weakness.
Most importantly, ensure the help you seek is unbiased and enough to assist both of you.
It shows your commitment to your relationship and your willingness to make it work.
When you feel stuck or overwhelmed, reaching out to a professional counselor or a trusted advisor can provide new perspectives and solutions you might not have considered.
Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you see things more clearly.
A skilled counselor can guide you both in understanding each other’s viewpoints and finding common ground.
They can teach you effective communication strategies and conflict-resolution skills that can strengthen your bond.
Remember, every couple faces challenges.
The key is to address them constructively and with an open heart.
Seeking help when needed can prevent small issues from growing into larger problems.
It can also reaffirm your commitment to each other and your relationship.
In the end, investing in professional help or seeking advice from a knowledgeable third party can make a significant difference.
It can transform your relationship, bringing you closer and helping you navigate the ups and downs with greater ease and understanding.
Don’t hesitate to seek the support you need to build a stronger, happier relationship.
What Would You Rather Do?
In the end, it’s all about letting love win.
Every relationship faces challenges, but how you choose to handle them makes all the difference.
By revisiting your values together, clearing unresolved personal issues, improving your communication skills, attacking the issue and not the person, taking breaks from the issues, and seeking help if needed, you are actively working to strengthen your bond.
These steps are more than just advice; they are ways to show love and respect to your partner.
When love is your priority, you create a foundation of trust and understanding that can withstand any storm.
Would you rather let minor disagreements and misunderstandings drive a wedge between you, or let love guide you toward a stronger, happier relationship? The choice is yours.
Embrace these strategies, and see the positive changes they can bring.
If you have a different perspective or think there’s another way to handle these issues, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
Your insights could help others who are navigating similar challenges.
Let’s foster a community of support and understanding, where love always finds a way to win.
