8 Signs Your Relationship Is Doomed to Fail

Did you just click to read this post?

I have been happily married for 7 years (as of 2024), so I can imagine seeing a post with a title like this. Clicking on it would only mean one thing: to gather a few ideas I haven’t considered before for a blog post.

If this is not the same for you, I sincerely feel sorry.

I admit I don’t personally know how it feels to have a bad relationship, but I’ve heard firsthand stories and read a lot online about what people go through in relationships and marriages these days.

Now, to why you’re here.

You’re in a relationship that, from all indications, seems like a disaster waiting to happen, and you’re at a crossroads, unsure whether to let go or hang in there.

Deep down, you know what’s best for you. But what if tomorrow brings a better relationship? What if living with the limitations is the best option? What if you struggle to find any relationship that matches this standard?

But what if it doesn’t get better?

Signs of a Relationship That’s Doomed to Fail

Though now exhaustive, here are some signs that your relationship is doomed to fail. I hope they help you make a better decision or find a good closure.

1. You Have a Flawed Perception of Love

Many of us who value healthy relationships are often shocked by the widespread insecurities and moral decline in today’s world of love and romance.

I frequently see comments on social media suggesting that a man must engage in womanizing, smoking, or drinking, or at least do two of these. When people try to refute these claims, they are often labeled as liars by others.

Because of such beliefs, many people feel resigned to the idea that finding a partner without significant baggage is impossible these days.

If you subscribe to this way of thinking, you are already setting yourself up for a failed relationship or marriage.

Am I saying there are good people out there who adhere to the principles of a great relationship? Yes, I am.

I am one and have many friends who exemplify these qualities.

Is this hard for you to believe? My heart bleeds for you.

2. You Chose the Wrong Partner

Entering a relationship with someone who doesn’t align with your values, goals, or personality can lead to constant conflict and dissatisfaction.

Your misery is doubled if your perception of love is already flawed.

I’ve met people who, despite knowing they were raised poorly, understood they needed a partner with better values.

Instead of settling, they sought help to find a better partner who could support them in improving themselves.

If this is you, I appreciate your effort and wish you all the best.

Conversely, some people were raised poorly and still choose partners who mirror their dysfunctional upbringing.

This choice sets the stage for a relationship filled with conflict and disappointment.

I’ve also met people who were well-raised but allowed the challenges of life to weaken their stance on a good marriage.

They succumbed to the pressures and, out of pity or a sense of obligation, embraced anyone with a beating heart in the name of love.

Whether you were raised poorly or well, choosing the wrong partner sets you up for the same fate—a relationship filled with conflict and dissatisfaction, unable to meet your expectations for a healthy, happy marriage.

If you find yourself in this situation, my heart goes out to you.

3. You Are Ignoring Red Flags

There are so many red flags in relationships today that you could create your own unique country with them. The term “red flag” is used for a reason—it’s a warning sign of potential danger.

However, for many people, a relationship red flag is just another color. Women, in particular, are often the direct victims of these warning signs, thanks to a society that normalizes problematic behaviors.

If you believe that anything goes in a relationship, what’s left to recognize any warning signs? You’ll continue down a path of accepting harmful behavior without a fight.

Overlooking or dismissing warning signs in your partner’s behavior will lead to bigger problems down the line, potentially causing irreparable damage.

Red flags in a relationship can take many forms, but anything that significantly undermines the bond of affection you share belongs in this category.

Constant criticism or belittling, controlling behavior, lack of communication, and any form of disrespect or abuse are all common examples.

When you see these signs and ignore them in the name of love, instead of addressing them, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

However, recognizing and dealing with red flags early can save you from greater heartache down the road.

4. You Are Incompatible in Long-Term Goals

A relationship bound for marriage, or marriage itself, is sustained by complementary ideals.

You have a clear path for your future and want a partner who can align with your goals.

From the basics of daily activities to broader romantic, emotional, and physical needs, you should have a partner who understands and upholds your ideals.

But when you have a flawed understanding of love, have chosen the wrong partner, and constantly ignore red flags, you’re obviously on a path to failure, and any current glamour is fleeting.

When you and your partner have different aspirations for the future, such as views on marriage, children, or career paths, significant conflict is inevitable, making it difficult to plan a shared future.

Hence, your relationship is bound to fail.

Even if you don’t belong to the category of people addressed in the first three points, entering a relationship doesn’t mean giving up your own future.

Some incompatible goals will need to be sacrificed, but this requires clear communication and mutual understanding.

Ensure that whatever you’re giving up for your relationship is part of a joint compromise and not due to your partner’s manipulation.

For example, if you are sacrificing a career opportunity, it should be because both of you have discussed it and agreed it’s best for your collective future, not just because your partner wants it that way without considering your feelings and goals.

If you find yourself in this mess, start addressing the issues and you’ll appreciate yourself for taking action.

Communicate clearly, have mutual respect, be willing to compromise, and you can steer your relationship back on course.

5. You’re Overextending Your Life

We all love better things and new upgrades in life, just as we enjoy upgrades to our gadgets.

However, just like software companies stop supporting older phones and laptops when a new version of the operating system comes out, we must recognize our limitations.

I remember my old PC was stuck on Windows 10, with a clear warning that it couldn’t be upgraded to Windows 11.

If I loved all the new features Windows 11 offered, I would have to jailbreak the operating system to install it. But doing so would guarantee system problems and shorten its lifespan.

Similarly, your relationship shouldn’t attempt to upgrade to a lifestyle you cannot sustain.

Trying to live in an expensive area or buy things you can’t afford or maintain can signal low self-esteem or overambition, both of which are detrimental to any relationship.

Unlike gadgets’ operating systems, you can work towards genuinely upgrading your lifestyle.

This involves setting realistic goals, working hard, and making smart financial decisions together with your partner. It means growing together and building a future you can both sustain and enjoy.

Overextending yourself financially or otherwise in a relationship not only puts undue stress on both partners but also highlights a lack of communication and understanding of each other’s capabilities and limits.

This links back to the earlier points: if you have a flawed perception of love, choose the wrong partner, ignore red flags, and have incompatible long-term goals, overextending yourself is almost inevitable.

Recognize your current capacity and work within it while planning and working towards realistic improvements.

If you find yourself overextending your life, it’s time to reassess and communicate openly with your partner about your shared goals and limits. This will help you build a stronger, more sustainable relationship.

Avoid the trap of overextending your life, focusing on genuine growth and compatibility and you can steer clear of many common pitfalls that lead to relationship failure.

6. You Don’t Want to Embrace Any Change for the Better

The “take me for who I am” maxim can be detrimental to relationships. While we all enter relationships with our ideals and values, sometimes these don’t align with the mutual growth needed for a healthy partnership.

Unfortunately, many people are attached to their current selves, even if their behavior and attitudes are full of red flags. Loving yourself is important, but it should be a healthy version of yourself that contributes positively to the relationship.

I’m not suggesting you make changes that diminish your self-worth or lead to regret, like a woman I once heard about who split her tongue because her boyfriend wanted it.

Changes should never compromise your core values or lead to personal dissatisfaction.

It’s understandable that change takes time, but there should be clear indicators of progress.

If you’re unwilling to embrace positive changes for the sake of the relationship, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Embracing change involves recognizing areas where you can grow and improve, not just for the sake of your partner but for the relationship as a whole.

It’s about finding a balance where both partners are willing to adapt and support each other’s development.

Refusing to change can lead to stagnation and resentment, which are detrimental to any relationship. If both of you are committed to growing together, you can overcome many obstacles and build a stronger, more resilient bond.

In the context of the previous points, if you have a flawed perception of love, choose the wrong partner, ignore red flags, have incompatible long-term goals, overextend yourself, and refuse to change, you are paving the way for an inevitable breakup.

Embracing change is a crucial step toward ensuring a healthy, sustainable relationship.

If you find yourself resistant to change, take a step back and evaluate why that is.

Open communication with your partner and a willingness to grow can make a significant difference in the health and longevity of your relationship.

7. You’re Losing Your Sense of Self

Compromise is essential in a relationship, but anything that causes you to lose your sense of self is unhealthy. Your individuality should remain intact, just as in the bodily change example from the previous point.

Losing your sense of self can manifest in many ways. One major way is neglecting self-care.

Failing to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being will undoubtedly result in burnout and resentment, making it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. You need to be whole to contribute positively.

Another example is giving up personal hobbies and interests. It’s crucial to maintain your own passions and activities outside the relationship.

These interests keep you grounded and provide a sense of fulfillment that complements your relationship rather than detracts from it.

Additionally, constantly compromising your values and beliefs to please your partner can erode your self-identity. A healthy relationship should allow room for both partners to maintain their core values and respect each other’s differences.

Over-reliance on your partner for happiness and validation is another red flag.

While it’s important to find joy and support in your relationship, relying solely on your partner for your sense of worth can create an unhealthy dynamic. You should cultivate self-love and self-acceptance independently.

Furthermore, isolation from friends and family can lead to losing your sense of self. Maintaining a strong support network outside of your relationship is vital.

Friends and family provide perspective, support, and a reminder of who you are outside of your romantic relationship.

If you find yourself losing your sense of self, take a pause to reassess and take steps to reconnect with who you are.

Open communication with your partner about your need for individuality is crucial. A healthy relationship supports personal growth and respects each person’s uniqueness.

Speaking of open communication, see the next point…

8. You Don’t Engage in Effective Communication

The art of communication is often misunderstood nowadays. When you look at what some people call communication, it can often be described as “shouting or reporting.”

True communication isn’t about speaking with your partner just to receive feedback that fits your narrative.

If you creatively map out a scenario and feel satisfied only when you get a favorable response, that’s not real communication.

Effective communication means not making all the decisions first and then presenting them as a done deal for discussion.

It involves a genuine exchange where both partners feel heard and valued. It’s about discussing ideas, feelings, and decisions openly, without pre-determined outcomes.

For communication to be effective, you need to be open to your partner’s input and ready to adjust your perspective based on their feedback.

It’s a two-way street where both partners contribute equally and work towards mutual understanding and compromise.

Poor and ineffective communication leads to misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts, and emotional distance, all of which can set your relationship up for failure.

Without effective communication, small issues can escalate into major problems, and partners can feel disconnected and unsupported.

Moreover, ineffective communication contributes to a lack of trust or proves that trust is lacking. When partners don’t communicate effectively, it suggests that they don’t trust each other enough to share their true thoughts and feelings.

This lack of transparency can breed suspicion and doubt, further eroding the trust essential for a healthy relationship.

Ineffective communication also deepens emotional unavailability. If partners aren’t open and honest with each other, they become emotionally distant, creating a barrier that prevents genuine connection and intimacy.

Emotional unavailability makes it difficult for partners to support each other and grow together, leaving the relationship vulnerable to breakdown.

Examples of poor communication include:

• Interrupting your partner: Not allowing them to fully express their thoughts and feelings.
• Avoiding difficult conversations: Shying away from topics that need to be addressed for fear of conflict.
• Assuming you know what your partner thinks or feels: Making assumptions instead of asking and listening.
• Using aggressive or defensive language: Turning discussions into arguments instead of collaborative problem-solving.

Engaging in effective communication involves active listening, empathy, and a willingness to understand your partner’s point of view.

It requires patience and the ability to express your thoughts and feelings clearly without blaming or criticizing.

If you don’t engage in effective communication, you’re already preparing a pit for your relationship.

Taking the time to develop and practice good communication skills can help you build a stronger, more resilient relationship, capable of overcoming challenges and growing closer over time.

In the broader context of your relationship, effective communication helps address the issues highlighted in the previous points.

Whether it’s about aligning long-term goals, recognizing red flags, or embracing positive change, open and honest communication is the foundation upon which a healthy relationship is built.

Where From Here?

As you can see from the points discussed, maintaining a successful relationship is challenging if the basics are misunderstood or not embraced.

When you have a partner who doubles down on the wrong ideals, the relationship is bound to fail.

If you find yourself in this situation and want a way out, start by reviewing your core values and the relationship itself.

Evaluate whether your partner aligns with your goals and whether you can achieve mutual growth together. Open, honest communication is crucial, and addressing any red flags or incompatible goals is essential.

If you feel lost, seeking help from a professional counselor or therapist can provide valuable guidance and support.

They can help you navigate your feelings, understand your needs, and make informed decisions about your relationship.

I wish you all the best in finding the path that leads to a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

Once again, remember that the journey to a successful partnership starts with understanding and embracing the right principles, both individually and together.