I Need Help Because I Don’t Enjoy Making Love With My Husband

May 29, 2023 Stan

True Life Story: I Need Help Because I Don’t Enjoy Making Love With My Husband

Hello Jzhane,

I wanted really bad to attend the May Lively Stones webinar yesterday because I am facing serious communication issue with my husband. Unfortunately, I went out and came back very late yesterday, so I have decided to share my story for advice. So, I and my husband have been married for going to two years now, everything is fine in our marriage except for 2 major issues: no 1 is, its almost two years of marriage, we are still trying to get pregnant, but it has not happened yet.

This issue of getting pregnant is mostly me that its bothering. My husband says I should stop worrying myself because its just two years, that whenever God decides to give us a baby is fine. But this is what leads me to the second issue which is, I suspect my husband is cheating on me…now, I don’t know if he is cheating on me because I am yet to get pregnant or because he is not happy with our s3x life.

The issue with our s3x life is that my husband is very rough when it comes to s3x. From the first time we made love, he has always been rough, like someone who wants to rape me. I was not a virgin when I met my hubby, but I bled when we made love, I thought it was I had not hard s3x in over three years that made me bleed but after several times of s3x, I was experiencing pain and complained to him. He then agreed to be more careful.

However, after several months of marriage, he started being aggressive in lovemaking, he said he cannot pretend in his marriage, that he likes rough s3x. Sometimes, he would choke me, I will be gasping for breath, everything with him is rough and I feel sometimes dehumanized after s3x. When I complain, he would say, I am being selfish, and I should not blame him if he starts going out to sleep with women that will give him the kind of s3x he wants.

This really pained me and made it difficult to make love to my husband. Sometimes, its not lovemaking….its actually raping. He showed me p*rn videos to explain why he likes rough s3x, its like BDSM but its not that extreme, he does not tie me up with ropes or beat me up with whips…but I told him I can’t cope. For him, its more of using force to thrust, pulling my hair, just the aggression…and sometimes choking my neck until I even gasp for air.

I try to make it with first round but when he wants second round, I can’t keep up, I actually refuse him second round. That was when I started noticing he stopped bothering me but he now put password on his phone so I can’t have access anymore, that is why I am suspecting he is cheating on me. He comes home very late on the days he cheats…when I ask him where he went, he will say, I don’t think you want to know…I asked him if he is cheating, and he says I have no right to ask him that cos he has a reason to cheat, and I know it’s my fault.

This issue is bothering me cos my husband thinks I am making a big deal out of nothing. He said I am behaving childish and selfish. I try to take pain killers before and after s3x but I am wondering how long will I continue to endure this? I love my husband to the extent that I actually enjoy this kind of s3x cos I am getting used to it but I can hardly walk after s3x for like two days. It really makes me weak and in body pains. Maybe I am really a prude.

Once I went to hospital cos I hard waist pain, they doctor did a scan and saw nothing. He kept asking me if I did anything strenuous to get the waist pain…I had to whisper to him that it was s3x. The foolish doctor started smiling sheepishly and said your husband dey enjoy…that made me think men think the same way…my pain did not matter to him, he just prescribe massage balm which I used and it worked but we are back to square one when we make love again.

I don’t know how else to communicate to my husband that this rough s3x is not good for my body. Sometimes, I allow it especially when I am ovulating cos I am trying to get pregnant. But it feels like I am putting my body under too much pressure, that I cant even get pregnant. I feel sometimes, this man has even literally shifted my womb. When I really need my body to rest, I don’t care….I tell him I am sick. He will then say ok…but I know that ok means he is going out to get s3x outside.

More From Lively Stones: He Wants BDSM & Trash Talk: Is This Normal For Married Couples?

Another thing that is making this bad is my husband’s friends…two of them actually…they talk dirty all the time, they talk about fcking women like sluts, and it makes them high, especially when they are drinking together in our house. They hail my husband as king of pssy. Can you imagine that….I can’t even ask these guys to advice their friend cos they are all in the same boat, their wives probably enjoy it so they won’t understand me when I am complaining.

Even my own friends think I am making a mountain out of nothing….they say I am being a prude, that my husband is so s3xy. That I should take alcohol and get high so I will not feel any pain when hubby is driving me like a bull. My friends think I need to become more adventurous and stop complaining before someone snatches my husband from me cos I don’t want to give him the kind of s3x he wants. Maybe they are right cos I think I am not a very strong person if I was strong, maybe will not be complaining.

My husband even once said I should be happy that I married a man that can please a woman like him…but is it only about pleasing during the moment? What about how your body feels after? My husband said any woman who can walk after s3x has not been f*cked right. I swear, I did not know my husband was pretending when we were dating, I would not have married him…yes, I love him…. but we both just have completely different mindset about s3x and that is a big issue for us cos I have done everything I know to do to communicate this issue to him.

This matter is making me sad…I need your advice…how do I deal with this matter permanently? Please note that I am very sure my husband loves me, so I don’t want to leave him…I just need advice on how to make him see reason with me…how do I change how a grown man likes to f*ck? If I try to change him, he leaves me alone but I know he is getting it from outside…how do I bridge this communication gap…why can’t my husband change his style for me?

Anonymous,

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