FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

In Malawi a book titled: "HOW TO CHANGE YOUR WIFE IN 30 DAYS" sold two million copies in one week, before it was discovered that the title had a spelling error!

The correct title is: "HOW TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN 30 DAYS".​ After the correction, for the whole month, only 3 copies were sold.

MORAL LESSON: Nobody wants to change himself/herself, but they'll do everything to change someone else"...
Let's strive to change ourselves first.
Let's be patient and tolerate one another. We are born to live together. Love is life and life is love..

😂😂😂😂😂😂
*How did d Fight start?:*

After Service on Sunday, a Wife saw Her Husband sitting quietly in d Church Garden. She got concerned and decided to ask Him.

Wife: Hey Darling, why are U sitting so quietly in d Garden? What is Bothering U?

Husband: I am thinking about d Confession of Our Pastor. It's making Me Uncomfortable.

Wife: What is it?

Husband: D Pastor confessed that He has Slept wth all d Married Women and single Girls in d Church 😡but ONLY one Woman didn't want to Sleep wth Him because She Fears God.

Wife: It must be that Madam Comfort...She's always doing Holy Holy. ...........😳😳😳😳

NA THERE THE FIGHT START!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂.

*PONDER ON THIS*

*1. Do not keep stupid friends all in the name of "No one knows tomorrow." They may not allow you to see that tomorrow, so be very careful.*

*2. Marrying a lady with children doesn't mean you are a fool. A Fool is the biological father that ran away from his responsibility.*

*3. When you care too much, you will be treated as a fool, because they think you can't live without them. Therefore, be wise.*

*4.If you want to go far in life, train your heart to accept disappointments, even if it comes from those you trusted. Because every disappointment is blessing.*

*5. A friend who becomes an enemy after a little misunderstanding has been an enemy all along. They were just pretending. So hold yourself.*

*6. My people, stop keeping clothes and shoes for special occasions, start wearing them when you can. Because nowadays, being alive alone is a special occasion.*

*7. If nobody is mocking or criticizing you, it means you are a nobody. No one throws stones at a fruitless tree. Continue to be fruitful.*

*8. If you want to become useless in life, I mean very useless, depend on people.*

*9. When you find out that, no one is correcting you, don't think you are perfect, you are just beyond repair.*

*10. Don't expect me to hate someone just because you hate him or her. Let me educate you, HATE is not a communicable disease. Suffer your hate virus alone and don't involve me.*

*11. Did you know that, one of the definitions of madness is the act of increasing your speed when you know that you have missed the road, way, direction?*

*12.Life is a teacher, the more you live the more you learn*

*13. Attitude is everything in life*

A young, well qualified Officer left his job in Lagos and emigrated to Canada for better prospects and applied for a salesman's job at Vancouver's premier downtown department store. It was the biggest store in the world; you could get anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Yes sir, I was a salesman in Nigeria."

The boss liked him and said, "You can start tomorrow. Learn fast and do well."

The first working day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it.

Finally 06:00pm came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked,

"How many sales did you make today?"

"Sir, I made ONE sale!" said the young salesman rather happily.

"Only one sale?!" shot back the boss. "No! No! You see, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day.
If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale.

By the way, how much was your sale worth?"

"$933,005.00", said the man.

"What? How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well," said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook.

Then I sold him a good fishing rod and some fishing gear.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.

So I told him he'd be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that 20-foot schooner with the twin engines.

Then he said his Volkswagen wouldn't be able to carry it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer.

I then asked him where he'll be staying and since he had not decided, I took him to camping department and sold him a six-sleeper camper tent.

Then he said I should throw in about $200 worth of groceries and two cases of juice."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?!"

"No, sir," answered the young man, "he came in to buy sanitary napkins for his wife and I convinced him that since he will be bored with his wife being in period - fishing is the best remedy for boredom."

Boss: "Where did you acquire this professional training?!"

"Gbagi market in Ibadan, Oyo State, Nigeria!♻️

30 SELF DEVELOPMENT TIPS FOR 2023

1. Make friends with successful people and occasionally buy them gift and surprise them with lunch because successful people always give and hardly get, so when you give them, they value the gift a lot.

2. Get a mentor and follow his instructions and respect the relationship. Never beg your mentor for money or disrespect his or her privacy.

3. Make new positive friends as often as possible and ensure you keep the communication line open. Create a network of friends and not just connections.

5. Show kindness to everyone. Some small boys today will be big boys tomorrow. The biggest dog in the neighborhood was once a puppy. And keep the information/secret to yourself.

6. Always plan ahead and be proactive. He that plans the future work less in the future.

7. Listen to speeches and messages from great teachers. Both religious and educational.

8. Attend seminars and training on any area you need to improve yourself. Train the trainer, personal development, public speaking, sales etc.

9. Have the habit of keeping a pen and a writing pad handy because ideas come in the form of flashes. The smallest pen is bigger and better than the biggest brain.

10. Make sure at every point in time you are reading a book. If you spend 20 minutes reading daily, for 52 weeks you would have consumed 1,000,000 words.

11.Stay away from television as much as possible. You can watch educational channels. Men with big TV sit in front of them to watch men with big library.

12 Put control over your mouth, never say evil of any man, what you are not certain of should not be said. Say good of all men.

13. Always show appreciation for any good deed you received.

14. Always help someone in need.

15. Live a debt free life. What you can’t pay cash for is not your size.

16. Give out loans that you can part with as gift, so that you don’t destroy your business and relationship.

17. Create legitimate multiple source of income.

18. Save at least 10 percent of your income.

19. Invest a portion of your income. And be patient to see it grow. If what you have in your hands is not good to be called a harvest then it’s a seed, sow it.

20. Keep a good financial record of all income and expenses, so you won’t ask later “where did my money go”

21. Be involved in community service. Control traffic, free lesson class for students etc.

22. Keep getting better on your daily goals and dream, develop yourself on them and make sure you get to the top 10 % of your industry.

23. Make sure you engage in exercise. It keeps your brain alert and your body fit to enjoy your success.

24. Pray often, and know that for every success,God made it possible.

25. Develop a fighting spirit. Many give up at the least opposition. But opposition is mostly a sign of greater things ahead. Keep fighting.

26. Face your fears. One of the greatest tools the enemy employs to cripple people is fear. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. The cave you fear to enter may hold the treasure you seek.

27. Doubt your doubt. Doubting is the enemy of the best. The people who do great exploits are calculated risk-takers.

28. Be Kingdom minded. Find a need in the house of God and meet it. When you make Gods business your business, He will make your busines your business.

29. Spend time with your family. Aside your relationship with God, spending time with your family should be your topmost priority. Don't miss out on the growth maze of your children because of a career or ministry.

30. Finally get enough rest. Create some me-time to rest. If you die your company will find a replacement. Make sure you don't develop a "Superman Syndrome". Give of your best but don't die trying to save the world. Make time to rest. You are not a robot. Even God rested after creation.

Wishing you the very best of 2023.

*A BANKER WENT TO A YORUBA RESTAURANT IN IBADAN TO EAT:*

*#BANKER : WHAT DO YOU HAVE?*

*#WAITER : AMALA, EWEDU, GBEGIRI, OFADA RICE, WHITE RICE, EFO RIRO, AKARA , IYAN, EWA AGANYIN, MOI-MOI, EBA, EGUSI , OBE ATA...*

#BANKER: OKAY... BRING a plate of Ewedu AND GBEGIRI WITH AMALA, PUT 2 OGUFE, 1 SHAKI, 2 PONMO, 2 ABODI, 1 ROUNDABOUT AND PACK 2 OFADA RICE WITH BEEF AND OBE ATA TAKEAWAY....

*#WAITER.... HOW DO YOU WANT THE EWEDU? DO YOU WANT IT ON TOP OR IN ANOTHER PLATE.*

*#BANKER... PUT IT ON TOP AND SPREAD THE AMALA WE'LL WE'LL.*

*#WAITER..... WHAT ABOUT THE TAKEAWAY?*
*#BANKER....... SAME THING, PACK IT TOGETHER IN ONE PLATE.*

*#WAITER ..... Will YOU LIKE PURE WATER OR BOTTLE WATER?*

*#BANKER..... BOTTLE WATER.*

*#WAITER ....... COLD ONE OR ROOM TEMPERATURE.*

#BANKER ...... CHILLED BOTTLE OF WATER.*

*#WAITER : OGA SORRY SA, AWA FOOD DON FINISH.*

*#BANKER : (ANGRILY) WHY THEN DID YOU TELL ME THAT LONG MENU? AND ALL THE SERIES OF QUESTIONS YOU'VE BEEN ASKING? YOU'VE BEEN WASTING MY TIME.*

*#WAITER: (SMILING) OGA SA, SHEBI WHEN I COME TO YOUR BANK ATM; AFTER ASKING ME FOR ENGLISH OR YORUBA, WITHDRAW OR CHECK BALANCE, PIN, SAVINGS OR CURRENT, AMOUNT, PRINT RECEIPT, NO RECEIPT, YOUR ATM GO COMES TELL ME SAY, #TEMPORALY_UNAVAILABLE_TO_DISPENCE_CASH*

*SHEBI NOW YOU KNOW HOW E TAKE DEY PAIN PERSON.....😄🤣😁

CHEERS!!!
LAUGH AWAY YOUR STRESS OF TODAY.*

*PROFITABLE REALITIES*

*1. Do not keep stupid friends all in the name of "No one knows tomorrow." They may not allow you to see that tomorrow, so be very careful.*

*2. Marrying a lady with children doesn't mean you are a fool. A Fool is the biological father that ran away from his responsibility.*

*3. When you care too much, you will be treated as a fool, because they think you can't live without them. Therefore, be wise.*

*4.If you want to go far in life, train your heart to accept disappointments, even if it comes from those you trusted. Because every disappointment has a reason.*

*5. A friend who becomes an enemy after a little misunderstanding has been an enemy all along. They were just pretending. So hold yourself.*

*6. My people, stop keeping clothes and shoes for special occasions, start wearing them when you can. Because nowadays, being alive alone is a special occasion.*

*7. If nobody is mocking or criticizing you, it means you are a nobody. No one throws stones at a fruitless tree. Continue to be fruitful.*

*8. If you want to become useless in life, I mean very useless, depend on people.*

*9. When you find out that, no one is correcting you, don't think you are perfect, you are just beyond repair.*

*10. Don't expect me to hate someone just because you hate him or her. Let me educate you, HATE is not a communicable disease. Suffer your hate virus alone and don't involve me.*

*11. Did you know that, one of the definitions of madness is the act of increasing your speed when you know that you have missed the road, way, direction?*

*12.Life is a teacher, the more you live the more you learn*

*13. Attitude is everything in life*

*THINK IT THROUGH

There are sets of people that have so much pride in this life

1) PA's to politicians

2) Nurses and doctors in low budget hospital

3) Those girls that sit in front of their boyfriends cars, they will look at other girls as if they have no future

4) Non acedemic staffs in the university

5) Course reps in the university

6) People in charge of food in an occasion

7) Church ushers, they act as if they are the biological Children of God while the rest of us were adopted

8) The best friend to a rich man

9) People that wear starched clothes, they will walk with one hand up as if they have boils in their armpit

10) Dangote truck drivers, the way they will look at you while driving eh, you will think they are carrying their inheritance to their village.

11, Embassy staff that behave as if their visa will send you to heaven

21 THINGS TO TELL YOUR DAUGHTER URGENTLY

1: Tell your daughter that Money has no gender. She can make money the way any Man can make it and even more.

2: Tell her to step into the FIELD, not the BED to make money. Money from the field comes with dignity, money from the Bed comes with STD.

3: Let your daughter know that she needs to trade her brain, not her private parts to make money.

4: Train your daughter never to pray to marry a rich man, but to work to become a rich girl

5: Train your daughter never to pray to marry a Governor but to work to become the President

6: Train your daughter that the instrument of money making is under the Hat not under the skirt

7: Train your Daughter never to Man-hunt but to focus her focus and she will become the focus of many Men.

8: Train your daughter that no man can love her like God, so she must never trade her relationship with God for a relationship with any Man.

9: Train your daughter that the internet never forgets or forgives, let her know that the foolish post she makes on the internet can depose her from her position tomorrow.

10: Tell your daughter that time waits for no man, if she wastes her time with a foolish man, she will wake up one day to discover that it is nighttime.

11: Tell your daughter that life gives back what you give into it, wickedness will be fully repaid.

12: Tell your daughter that beauty is not in exposing nakedness, it is dressing to look like a Queen

13: Tell your daughter that she is a princess and not a prostitute, tell her to dress to prove who she is.

14: Tell your daughter that it is a great wickedness to sleep with the husband of another Woman.

15: let her know that married men do not love her, they only see her as an available sex toy to satisfy the animal in them

16: Let your daughter know that the best friend she can keep is God, He can not disappoint her.

17: let your daughter know that beauty without a brain makes one look like a Decorated pig.

18: teach your daughter to believe in herself because she is capable of doing whatever she believes she can do.

19: Teach your daughter never to think that wealth is sexually transmitted. Sleeping with wealthy men will only make her a whore not wealthy.

20: tell your daughter good look does not make a man a good Man. He can have 6 PACKS and be a PACK of trouble.

21: teach your daughter never to be a Runs girl because runs girls normally RUN into trouble.good morning

YOU WANT TO SURVIVE IN LAGOS: 17 Things you must not do.

1. On a bus, When you sit by the window. Never operate your phone, It will be snatched from your hand. This is a quintessential occurence in some surbuban parts of Lagos such as Agege and Mushin. In fact, anywhere in Lagos.

2. Whenever someone greets you on the road, Do not answer him or her especially when he approaches you from behind.

3. If you see people fighting, Mind your business!!. I repeat MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!

4. You must learn how to argue with a bus conductor, when he tries cheating you.
And please whenever you do. Please don't use Standard English. You must have had a good knowledge of Pidgin before you come to Lagos. If not I can teach you. 🤣

5. Walk with a known Nigerian, on the first weeks of your stay in Lagos. He'll show you the ropes or else you go suffer.

6. Whenever you're walking in a deserted area in Lagos. Walk like a gangster, not like a responsible person. If you do, Miscreants will feel you're defensive and wouldn't come close to you. Street sense ✌🤣

7. Anything you did not find on your head, Please don't pick it. (You understand what I mean).

8. When you're crossing the road. Turn into a Ronaldo. Cars come in massive droves. They won't hit you but you must learn how to dribble them. 🤣

9. When you want to buy soft drinks, Buy soft drinks from people hawking in the traffic. It is believed that the drinks taste sweeter than the ones bought from people in shops😅. Just a belief!!

10. When you see a large number of people running, don't wait or ask questions. Just run with them. RUN RUN RUN!!! Ask when it is safe!! Run o🤣

11. Never leave Lagos without taking a ride on Third Mainland Bridge. It is a sin😅

12. Don't dance to any music you hear, never stare or laugh at people. Don't speak to anyone in the bus until they speak to you first.

13. Whenever you walk in a crowded area, hold your phone firmly in your hand, not in your bag or pocket or else Sope oti lo.

14. Whenever you want to ask for Directions, say this. "Sorry, Please, Excuse me...then ask your question". It is compulsory to say all of them. Don't omit any. Everybody is angry in Nigeria.😂

15. It's often said that the number of people who are mentally normal in Lagos aren't up to 5. In essence, If a Lagosian teases you, don't take him serious. Just be cool to prevent issues. We're mád in this Lagos!!. I am the only nórmal person in my area.

16. There's one popular "Den of scámmers" in Lagos called Computer Village. It is the most popular place for buying and repairing electronic devices. But please and please open your eyes very well before you buy fufu package in a phone case of buy a swapped electronics.😁

17. And lastly LAGOS is a comedy centre, you will love the drama you will be seeing around.

Lagos, Its mix of tradition and modernity, combined with its rich culture and entrepreneurial spirit, makes it an exciting and attractive destination for people from all over the world. Lagos is very very fun and sweet once you understand the system. It's not a bad place to be, it's just a place to be SMART and WISE!!
EKO ILE OGBON!