Youtuber Ruby Franke is right to let kids go hungry to teach responsibilities – here’s why I think she’s courageous

OF all the jobs I’ve had in my career, parenting has been the most challenging, demanding, and confusing.

For starters, it never seems to flamin’ end. Even when the blighters become adults you are still in that perpetual hamster wheel of guiding, advising, and educating. Or handing out the dosh.

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But it’s those early years that are so tricky when you’re setting out boundaries, all while trying to make life as easy for yourself as possible.

This week  I read about a mum of three who appeared on GMB in 2020  and told how she decided to have no set bedtime for her children, who were under the age of ten.

They can tuck themselves in whenever they like between 9 pm and 1 am.

A confessed night owl, Nic Bescoby, says she wanted to remove the “control and force” from the evening because she firmly believes the children should find their own “circadian rhythms”.

She adds that the kids love it. I bet they do, Nic. What child in their tiny right mind wouldn’t love to do exactly as they, please?

In another corner of the UK, YouTuber Ruby Franke has been slammed for forcing her six-year-old daughter to make her own packed lunch. If she doesn’t, she goes hungry.

She reasons that if she understands hunger, she will understand the responsibility and take control of making her packed lunch.

This might be a step too far for many, but I applaud her. I wish I’d had the courage to do the same when my kids were at school.

The point is, we all parent differently. And while I definitely will not make the same parenting mistakes my mum and dad did, I can guarantee I am making my own.

As adults, we’re very good at recalling the uncomfortable and negative things our parents forced us to endure, perhaps more so than the joys they brought.

I grew up in largely emotionally-constipated households. Feelings were not readily expressed, issues were not easily dealt with, and awkward- ness swept under the carpet.

Shoddy care home

I vowed I would never parent like that — I would be liberal, open, warm, and empathetic.

I was pretty much unmonitored from as young as eight. I was a latch-key kid who had to sort out my food and scramble together whatever clothes I could find.

This is no sob story. While there were elements of neglect associated with my early childhood, it taught me independence and made me the practical goddess I am today.

My experience instructed me to not want my children to ever carry that burden of responsibility.

I pledged I wouldn’t burden them with obligations and it’s made me a proper hands-on, dedicated parent who has made life very comfortable for my Ungratefuls.

What I’ve discovered, to my detriment, is that I over-, because their expectations of me have been sky-high and I’ve probably ended up serving them hand and foot a tad too much.

I’ve also ensured I’m always there for them to support them emotionally and practically but now I wonder if I didn’t make a rod for my own back.

It’s a lovely idea — this abundance of mellowness and leniency towards the child — but show me a parent who doesn’t lose their marbles at least once a day and I’ll show you a liar.

I’m not suggesting that a clip around the ear or excessive control or punishment is the solution to a badly behaved child, but raising your voice and imposing rules teaches the child discipline.

I couldn’t have my kids running amok way into the night as Mother Bescoby does.

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Allowing them to interfere with my evenings when I’ve poured my well-deserved rum and am settling down to Emmerdale is not in my job description.

Having space and time away from them is crucial. I know that’s a luxury for many who are single-handedly bringing up their nippers, but rules are crucial.

Adult life is full of them, so kids have to learn that they need to start as they mean to go on.

Teaching kids independence and critical thinking is a great gift but they have to understand the consequences, too.

It may be that, due to my parenting, the kids will put me in a shoddy care home in years to come. Or they’ll end up in therapy.

But I think I’ve done a pretty good job.

WATERY GRAVE? WILL I HELL

WHILE I do spend a fair bit of time mulling over the aging process, I don’t give much thought to the end game – my funeral.

Of course, I’ve made a list of all the songs, what the dress code should be, and which rum should be served but the actual getting rid of my body hasn’t been a consideration. I can’t be the only one, surely?

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Now I learn that what is being dubbed as “boil-in-the-bag” funerals will be made available in the UK later this year after becoming popular in the US, Canada, and South Africa.

The process is known as “resomation”. It entails enclosing the deceased in a biodegradable pouch which is placed in a container filled with pressurized water and some potassium hydrochloride and boiled at 160C.

Tissue and cells turn into a watery solution after four hours and soft bones are dried and reduced to a white powder – it’s this bit relatives can take away in an urn of their choice.

All this is more sustainable because there are no toxic gases or pollutants as there is with cremation.

I guess this will become the future. As I won’t be part of the future once I’ve popped my clogs, I might selfishly say I don’t much care what happens to me.

The problem is that those who are left behind when someone dies do fret about giving the deceased the right send-off.

I spent a small fortune on a top-notch coffin for my dad – only to watch it burn.

In truth, he wouldn’t have cared if I’d dug a hole for him myself.

I’ve always loved the water and consider myself a good swimmer, so this watery solution for the end of life does appeal.

But then, at the same time, I figure that the chances are I will be going to hell, so maybe a little barbecue to kick proceedings off might be just what the devil ordered.

Thanks, Ellie, for helping girls to be show-offs too

ELLIE TAYLOR – comedian, writer, actress, and all-around funny girl –  has given me many laughs over the years. I’m a huge fan.

She’s now spoken the truth, that “it’s OK to show off”. Well, hallelujah! Thank you, Ellie, for making my childhood trait not look like a personality disorder.

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I was a goofy kid who would regularly escape my humdrum life as an only child and I was attention-seeking, desperate for my parents to notice me.

In school, I found solace in larking about, which got me into trouble with the teachers.

At the heart of it, this class clown was desperate to fit in. I wasn’t one of the popular kids, one of the pretty girls, or one of the academic girls, so I tried to find other ways to be acknowledged by my peers.

As Ellie says, showing off is seen as seeking attention, cockiness, confidence, and arrogance, too.

And yet, it’s often the very opposite of that. For me, it was a way of hiding deep insecurities, fears, and doubts.

We’re more comfortable with boys showing off, they exude confidence, self-belief. We might even consider it talent.

But as soon as a girl goofs around or tells a joke, we’re embarrassed for her – she comes across as desperate.

So, thank you, Ellie left. Showing off might make you seem attention-seeking but that’s OK. Because there may be very genuine reasons why you are.

FERN’S ON FINE FORM

CONGRATULATIONS to the lovely Fern Britton, who looks and sounds like she’s got her life well and truly sussed.

Despite now unexpectedly finding herself single at the tender age of 65 following her divorce from Phil Vickery, her hubby of 20 years, she says she feels “relaxed” and that the world has opened up to her.

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It’s been crucial and long overdue that we’ve finally opened up conversations about menopause and aging in women.

We feel overlooked by society and the effects of the menopause can be unsettling.

But what we rarely talk about are the positives of this new phase of our lives.

While I’ve found aspects of aging to be tricky, I now feel so much more confident within myself.

Like Fern, I’m a lot more relaxed than I ever was.

I’m more tolerant in my outlook, at the same time as having less patience for much of life’s nonsense.

My life is no longer solely about my fertility.

I’ve grown to accept my body and my mistakes.

I have even learned to praise my achievements.

There is a greater autonomy that comes in later life when many of us have adult children and find ourselves single.

I think we often forget that women really can be at their very best, can shine the brightest, and have the most to offer in what is considered to be the autumn of our lives.

It isn’t all doom and gloom.